Ashleigh would like to be Fawn Hall in her next life

Last night I came home to see that Ashleigh and Lorenzo had succeeded in knocking over the shredder and were EATING the paper like it was a delicacy. They were gobbling mouthfuls. They had shredded paper sticking out of their mouths and were looking at my as if to say, "Mama, you'd better get in here and have a bite before it's all gone!" I was able to shoo Lorenzo away from it but no matter how hard I shooed Ashleigh she just came running back and diving into the pile mouth first. I pulled as much of the paper out of her mouth as I could and then I cleaned it up as quickly as possible. I dumped the paper that was in the receptacle in to the trash can and then put the shredder back together.

I decided to give both of them some of the "relaxing" treats I found at Pet Smart. I've given them the suggested amount before but I swear it only wound Ashleigh up tighter than a drum. I gave them one more piece than the suggested amount and I'm happy to say that this time it worked. For Lorenzo. Not Ashleigh. It took a while to kick in but it was obvious when it took affect.

While I was getting the treats out of the cupboard Ashleigh managed to knock the shredder over and made a club house out of it. By the time I got my camera out Lorenzo had gotten in to the act.

After the fun wore off of the club house Lorenzo dozed off on the back of the couch. I actually clipped his nails.* It was kind of like arguing with a drunk. He didn’t want me to touch his nails but he didn't really put forth a big enough effort to keep me away from them. He kind of dozed off and that’s when I when in for the snip. I also combed him. He is shedding like mad so was able to extricate a lot of fur from his body. I'm sure he weighs a pound less now. I put the fur that I combed off of him inside of a pizza box that was sitting on my coffee table. I closed the box as tightly as it would close and then I left it there. The box wouldn't fit in the trash can and I figured that I'd just throw it away in the dumpster the next day when I got home from work. This morning I discovered the lid to the pizza box opened and all of the fur gone so I assume one of them ate it. They enjoy fur as much as they enjoy eating shredded paper. Why do I spend insane amounts of money on IAMS cat food, (which has recently been found to contain rat poisoning so I've had to switch to an even more expensive alternative), if they would be just as happy with fur and shredded paper? This goes hand in hand with the questions:
1. Why do I buy them cat toys when they would much rather play with a coke bottle lid or sea shells?
2. Why do I buy them a carpeted cat condo when they would rather sit inside of, or climb all over a tipped over trash can?

Will I never learn?

*Ashleigh's nails remain lethal weapons. Her nails are going to continue to grow until they are 3 feet long and then I'm going to have to paint them gold and enter her in the Guinness Book of World records. The current champ won't know what hit her!

My Fur Children: The Fashion Maven and the Interior Design Expert

In the last few months Ashleigh has been trying to get me to redecorate the house and I just have not been listening to her. She has taken it upon herself to do the footwork and the results have been remarkable. My living room and bedroom are so much brighter since she has torn down the curtains. I was not too sure I liked the look so I re-hung the curtains several times but Ashleigh prevailed. In an effort to make me realize that she takes her vocation very seriously she has gone to the trouble to actually break 4 curtain rods. I've managed to fix the 3 from the living room. I've even gone as far as moving the couch, chair, table and shredder away from the curtains. This has not posed a problem for Ashleigh. Lest we forget she's been in heavy training for the Idiot Olympics for the last 7 months and the "leaping high jump" is one of her specialties. She was lucky in that there was a trampoline (my bed) for her to bounce on in her attempt at getting the bedroom curtains down. It took a few tries but she finally got the curtain rod bent so badly that it broke. In half. Figuring that no one needs to see my naked body, with the missing body parts and all, I have chosen the temporary/quick fix of taping my curtains up. Packing tape works wonders. And boy is it pretty! There is just one little problem. The 1x1" tags that grace my bedroom curtains apparently mock Ashleigh and they need to be brought to justice. When she has managed to get the curtains down she claws and chews at the label like a mad woman. (Why don't I just cut them off? Good question.) In addition to pulling the curtains down and letting the sunshine in, Ashleigh has decided that my couch pillows look much better on the floor and my dirty socks look better displayed all over the house. I've even seen her drag one of my blouses in to the living room from the bedroom. Ashleigh likes a little splash of color here & there and socks randomly displayed about the room is an easy decorator tip.

Lorenzo isn't so much into interior design. No, he's much too busy with his wardrobe and his attempts at coloring his facial hair. His face is pure white and his eyes are crystal blue. His nose and his lips are the softest shade of pink. He is a beautiful baby faced boy. Lorenzo is not content to look like such an adolescent. Hey, he's 8 months old ya know. Before you can blink an eye he's going to be 9 months and then a year. His youth will be behind him. So in an attempt to hurry nature and appear to be more mature, suave and debonair he has now taken to coloring his facial hair with wet canned cat food. The results are magnificent. With just a couple of bites of food he can have his whole muzzle covered and if he really sets his mind to it he can get it to hang off of his 3 inch long eye brows. This trick easily adds months to his appearance and you'd honestly think he's at least 11 months old!
He is certain that he looks very debonair and he just loves to share his suavey-ness with one and all by wiping excess cat food from his whiskers on to anyone who is with in rubbing distance. "Share the wealth", is totally his motto.
In addition to adding class and distinction to his mug...Lorenzo has decided that he'd like to experiment in the fine art of accessorizing. The other night he was laying on a plastic bag and poked his head through the handle. Instant necklace. Then he slid his head a bit further and his necklace turned in to a hooded cape. He tried to model his cape on the cat walk but then when he decided that the cape was following him, STALKING him, he tried to run away from it. No matter how fast he ran he could not out run the cape, but an odd thing happened. The cape slid down and he got one foot/leg through the hole and his necklace/cape/hood became a toga. Lorenzo sat and very quietly modeled his toga for me. After a few minutes passed I realized that he really wasn't sitting and modeling with quiet class and dignity....he couldn't stand up with one leg in the bag hole and one leg out. I tried to remedy the situation by taking the bag off of him, but this was easily misinterpreted as me trying to murder him with a rusty pick axe. I got his second leg out of the hole but then the necklace/cape/hood/toga became a skirt. Since he IS a boy and he wasn't wearing any chonies I will say that it became a KILT. He was able to run around for many minutes, sashaying to and fro, teasing Ashleigh with his kilt. She tried many times to take it off of him but he just thought she was jealous and wouldn't let her near it. After a few laps around the living room Lorenzo decided that he wanted to show his mad modeling skills to his imaginary audience in the kitchen. This resulted in things getting knocked off of the counter. I was also afraid that he would get his kilt caught on something and get injured so I made another attempt at getting it off of him. Once again attempted murder was barely thwarted and Lorenzo got away. This time the necklace/cape/hood/toga/kilt became a legging. I knew that this would only cause Ashleigh to think she needed one too, and I didn't want anything to take time away from her interior design program so I wrangled Lorenzo to the floor and got the bag off of his foot. He's had to run around naked ever since. I expect a home visit from the ASPCA any day now.

They went to London to visit the Queen...(and they didn't even bring me a tee shirt!)

I had an interesting night last night....I got home from work and my front door was wide open. Kitties were both gone. I threw my purse inside and went looking for them but I left the front door open in case either one of them came home on their own. When I went outside I saw one of my neighbors standing in her driveway looking under her car. I asked her if she had seen a white or grey kitten. She said that she had seen a white cat but it was hers. She was under the car and she was making a horrible noise. I asked her if she was sure the white cat was hers because I was missing a white cat. I squatted down so I could look under the car and there he was. He was screaming his head off. He was covered in oil and stickers. When I picked him up he clung to me and started purring. I took him home and then went out and looked for Ashleigh. When it got dark I finally gave up and went home. This is when I realized that the door had been locked since I left the house at 7:00 that morning. How my locked door got open allowing the kitties to escape was beyond me, but now my bigger problem was…I was locked out of the house. (All burglars stop reading immediately!) Fortunately I have one window that will not lock when it is shut, so I lugged a ladder out of the shed and got inside the house via the window. My shoes wouldn't slide off of the sill so there I sat with my fanny hanging out of the window. (A pretty picture if I ever saw one.) I had to try to jump. When I leaped down from the window sill I didn’t completely clear the sill and I anticipate a nice bruise on my fanny in the next day or so.

I made up a couple of "Lost Cat" flyers on the only paper I could find. Please tell Martha Stewart that paper plates make fine posters. I used the only marker I could find, a fine point Sharpie.It took me a while to make 3 signs. Lorenzo helped as much as he could and when we were both satisfied with our art work I went out and hung them through out the park. When I got back I put some food* out on the porch, opened all of my windows and lay down on the couch. Lorenzo slept with me for the entire night. This will be the first night since I got him that there hasn’t been an Idiot Olympic time trial competition at 11:00 pm. (These time trials always result in curtain rods getting broken, chairs getting knocked over, water dishes flung across the kitchen, etc.) After a sleepless night of false alarms...I thought I heard Ashleigh a million times...she finally came home at 6:45 this morning. She very politely asked to be let in the house and was very matter of fact about the whole ordeal. She was not dirty or cold, she had no stickers in her fur. She didn't want me to hold her. I tried to tell her how much she made me worry and how happy I was that she was safe and uninjured...but she wasn't in the mood for my soliloquy. Apparently the only reason she came home was because she needed to sit in the bay window. When I left this morning they were both perched in the window and Lorenzo was licking Ashleigh’s face. And that’s the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it, uh huh, uh huh.

Sweet relief, but boy am I tired.


*footnote: I found IAMS brand canned cat food at Big Lots. It was $8.00 for 16 cans. Bargain? NOT!!! Ashleigh and Lorenzo do not like it. The plate that I left on the front porch wasn't even touched by the neighborhood stray cats. When I get home from work I give them canned food. They run over to it, smell it and look at me like the little boy in the commercial who says, "Are you mad at me?"

Long lost post....

This post was written way back in March when I was participating in the weekly questions posted for bloggers who needed something to write about. I did a few of them but got no comments or feedback so I stopped using that format...but as I go through my archives I hate to leave anything I've written unpublished so here goes.....


Do you like or dislike change?

Getting a new job or rearranging the furniture, taking a different route to work...that kind of change I enjoy. I color my hair and that is always an adventure in change. For some reason my hair is never the same color two times in a row. If I didn't enjoy change something like that would have probably driven me nuts by now. However, I am the person who has had "Million Dollar Red" finger nails for over 10 years. I am the one who will go to The Spaghetti Factory and order the "manager's special" every single time. If a family gathering takes place and my mom doesn't make macaroni salad I am bent out of shape for days. I hate looking like I don't have a firm opinion on this subject so after giving it much thought I decided if I had to chose between being stuck in a rut, day after day, week after week, or have my life be a whirl wind of change...I'd take the change. And just to show that I'm serious I just might walk out of the nail salon with PINK finger nails next time. I don't know if my mom, the QUEEN of routine, will be able to handle it. Have the oxygen ready.

How many times in your life had you had a broken heart?

There is a line in a song where the singer is talking about having his heart broken in 56 places. I have used that quote many, many times in regard to my own heart being broken. I was an emotional, moody child. My demeanor was only slightly better as a teenager. My heart got broken on a daily basis. As a child it was the big things that got to me; not getting my way...having to go to bed... somebody making fun of me...yeah, the big things. Then as I got older and my interest in boys grew...THAT'S when I really knew what a broken heart felt like. The fact that I wore my heart on my sleeve made it very accessible for breaking purposes. Instead of making this entry a "who's who" list I will just say that I've had my heart broken many times and it does not get any easier with age. In fact I actually think it gets harder. The last time my heart was broken it was broken in to such little shards and tiny pieces that I don't know if it will ever all get put back together completely. I truly hope my last heart break is, in fact, my last heart break.


Name a book that you'd like to see made in to a movie

Every book I read, as soon as I have embraced all of the characters and settings, I immediately cast the movie in my head. I wish every book I read was made in to a movie. I have read all of Janet Evanovich "Stephanie Plum" novels. I have a circle of friends who have also read them and we played a game where we wrote down who we would like to see play all of the recurring characters. It was amazing in that we all chose the same person to play the lead character, Stephanie Plum. Sandra Bullock was our unanimous winner. It was also amazing in that not one of us chose the same person to play any of the other characters! If anyone who reads this blog also reads "Stephanie Plum" books, let me know who you've cast as Stephanie, Grandma, Lula, Ranger, and Morelli.

If you could thank one teacher for what they taught you who would it be and what would you thank them for?
I think this will come as a shock to those who have known me since high school. Most people will assume that this post would be all about Mr. Smith, my journalism teacher. He did teach me a lot including how to maintain my dignity at an awards ceremony where I was not given any awards. I digress... This post will be about my drama teacher, Mrs. Harrelson. She was the only teacher in my life who allowed me to be me and she celebrated me. Even though I spoke up in all of my classes I was never encouraged to let the guard down and just be me. In drama I was not a stand out student. I wasn't fond of learning dialog or reciting poems or attempting to choreograph dance scenes..however...when our class got to the "Improve" section, I. ROCKED. THE. HOUSE. I stood up in front of my classmates and I made them laugh. Somehow it happened again and again. It wasn't a fluke. I was funny. Mrs. Harrelson said that she had never been so shocked. While I was never a wall flower I was not one of the typical drama students who idolized the rock band "Queen" nor did I live in the drama room or attempt to date Bobby Oliver. It was a wonderful new awakening and I'm very sorry that I waited until my junior year to take the class. So, thank you Mrs. Harrelson, for laughing at/with me and for celebrating me.

If someone made a statue of you, in which pose would you like to be?.

I would like to be in the following pose: completely ensconced in Jackson Browne's arms with him peering lovingly in to my eyes. And I would have to insist that we posed for the statue for hours and hours and hours just like they did in the old days. If Jackson Browne isn't available then My Keanu will do just fine. That sounds like so much more fun than a typical Tami pose. A typical Tami pose would be with my hands on my hips and one hip cocked out of joint and my eyes rolling in disbelief.

Happy Birthday to me, my twin sister, my brother in law and the key board player from My Chemical Romance

Last Saturday was my birthday. That would obviously make it Tori's birthday, too. Her husband's birthday is the day after ours. To celebrate our birthdays we had dinner with family and friends at The Spaghetti Factory. Fun and spaghetti was had by all. Tori and I ordered chocolate martini's. Unfortunately when they were delivered to us they were clear. I have had this trick pulled on me before and I don't appreciate it. For some reason there is an unwritten joke in the universe that if you pour a glass full of iced frangelico and call it a chocolate martini no one will notice there there is not a drop of chocolate in the glass. A couple of times I have accepted this act of maleficence but I was not about to do so on my birthday. Tori and I marched up to the bar and we were promptly ignored by the bartenders. Did they not SEE the ribbons dangling from our shirts declaring that we were birthday girls? It took us about 10 minutes but we finally got a drink with chocolate involved. In my, & Tori's, quest to find the perfect chocolate martini...The Spaghetti Factory, along with Princess Cruises, are both out of the running. Not even an honorable mention. Anyway...I digress...the salad and spaghetti were wonderful. I stopped just short of licking my plate and was shocked to see that most of my neighbors had to request "to go" boxes for their spaghetti. Amateurs.

I got a lot of beautiful gifts...an outdoor solar lamp with kitties on it, a trip to San Diego, flamingo pajamas, lounge wear, an outfit including SHOES, a picture frame, bathroom accouterments, and a gift certificate for See's Candy with a warning that I was not to share this box of candy with Ashleigh and Lorenzo! (new post about them to follow, but after the way they've been acting it will not be difficult to not share my box of candy with them.)

The day after our birthday dinner I took Rebekah to see "My Chemical Romance" at the Anaheim Convention Center. As per usual we had to park in the east 40 which is basically in Garden Grove.
We had to pass many doors before we could find the proper door that would allow us access to the "pit". I knew we had finally found it when I saw this sign posted, "MOSH AREA. ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK." This was one of those moments where the question, "Am I too old for this?", crossed my mind. The opening band was playing when we got there and unfortunately for Bek we got there just in time to hear them play the very last note to their very last song. When the lights came up the crowd kind of burped as people headed for the restrooms and the bar. Bek and I were salmon swimming up stream as we weaseled our way toward the front of the stage. We were about 5 rows back at first but after a very few minutes enough people had crowded in front of us and that put us about 10 rows back. Of course "Fatzilla" wound up standing in front of Rebekah, and I was next to a bunch of squirrely, shrieking girly girls. Psycho Mike from KROQ came out and got the crowd pumped up before the band came out and that was all it took for me. It instantly got too hot and too crowded. I told Bek to ring my phone so that we were sure we could find each other. It worked like a charm, and with that I told her that I would be standing in the back of the pit where there was sure to be more air and less people. Once I found a nice spot right next to the sound board I text messaged her so that she would know where I was in case the crowd got to be too much for her. She didn't respond to my text. I texted her again. No response. I thought about trying to go back into the mob and finding her and just then the music started. There was no way the crowd was going to let me back in, and plus there was no way of knowing that Rebek would be exactly where I left her. She had sworn to me that she would make it up to the front of the stage and I really didn't doubt that she would.
The music was loud and wonderful. The band was amazing. Their last album is called, "Welcome to the Black Parade", and apparently they fancy them selves as members of a marching band in the black parade. They were all wearing black band uniforms. It was amazing to me how they could rock like maniacs, jump and sing and dance while wearing long sleeve jackets all buttoned up to their chins. I was wearing a tank top and I was not standing under the lights or near the pyrotechnics and I was too hot. I could feel the sound reverberating off of my stomach. There were strobe lights flashing and fire pots bursting. Each song was an audience sing-a-long. There was dancing, there was moshing, there was "floating", (this is when the crowd picks someone up over their heads, horizontally, and people keep him suspended over their heads and move him all over the room by moving him from hand to hand,etc.) There were several people doing fast and furious punk versions of swing dancing. The band sang "Happy Birthday" to their key board player and of course as I sang along I put my name in there, too.

I saw kids as young as 5 years old out there with their parents. That never ceases to blow me away. It is amazing to me that they can tolerate such loud music but I guess some people are just born to rock and roll. And at the price of tickets I just can't help but think that a baby sitter would have been much, much cheaper.

The band sang every song I wanted to hear and yet when the concert was over I thought that it was over too soon. They ended with "I'm Not OK" and "Helena". Even though I was standing among a couple thousand of my closest friends I danced and sang, "I'm Not OK" as if I were in front of my bedroom mirror with a hair brush for a microphone. I was awesome and I will be waiting for the call from the band asking me to join them on the road.

When the concert was truly over I stood at the only door and waited for Rebekah to emerge. My phone rang and I heard her ask me where I was...I told her I was standing at the door and we stayed on the line until I saw her tiny figure emerge from the crowd. I was not prepared to see what I saw next. The bright eyed, hair straightened, meticulously made up, neat and tidy little daisy now resembled something along the line of a banshee. Her hair was standing on end. Her cheeks were so pink that I thought she had been slapped. Her shirt was completely soaked and her mascara was running down her face. "OH MY GOD AUNTIE!!!!", she said. A total wave of panic washed over my body. What in the hell was I thinking leaving this little girl out in a mosh pit all by herself. She'd obviously been tattered and torn and it was all my fault because I was not there to protect her. She continued to talk in a voice that only dogs could hear and was showing me her shaking hands. I am the worst aunt in the world. She will never recover. Once we got a couple of steps outside of the arena I realized what she was telling me. Apparently as soon as I left her she managed to weasel her way to the front of the stage where she proceeded to rock her socks off. "Gerard spit on me!!!", she said with glee. "HE SPIT ON ME." (Uh, yay?) "And did you see when he threw his arm band out to the crowd?" (yes, I did.) "I caught it. I had it in my hands and then this old lady, who looked like Sue from Survivor, ripped it out of my hands. I grabbed it back and we were FIGHTING over it. Her boyfriend grabbed my arm and pulled me backwards the woman's arm was in front of my face so I BIT HER! She pulled my hair and the only reason I let go of the arm band was because there was an open safety pin on it and it was cutting my hand." I was so excited for Rebek that she actually caught such a coveted item but I was instantly incensed that someone would have the nerve to snatch it out of her hand. I wanted to find that woman and climb up her back and beat her until she gave the arm band back to Rebek. Why are some people so selfish and thoughtless? As we walked through the halls of the arena Bek pulled WADs of hair off of her arm and shirt. I was hoping that it belonged to the woman but Bek was pretty sure that she was the original owner.

We had no idea how to get back to the car as the crowd was being ushered in one direction. Oddly enough everyone had to walk past the souvenir stands before they went out of the building. Bek wanted a tee shirt. We stood in line for about 45 minutes. (yay, more standing!) I told her that this was her birthday present so she could have whatever she wanted. I honestly thought she'd pick 2 tee shirts and a jacket and a flag and her very OWN arm band, but she decided on one jacket. Everything else had skulls on it and she was certain that she wouldn't be allowed to wear them, but it still surprised me when she decided on one item.

A good time was had by all but I don't think I will buy general admission pit passed for myself again. In fact I think I will start a petition that they should now implement a "Lazy Boy" section. Cuz that's just how I roll.

Because the last Feast was so popular...

Tori and I blogged our fingers to the bone yesterday and then we alerted the media. Well, not the media but I alerted my two most ardent readers. And here we sit, although still in our respective zip codes, wondering where we went wrong. No comments. No criticism. No somersaults and hoopla. Well, to that I say, "Good Day!" (think "Fez" from "That 70's Show".) We will try it again and again until we get it right.


Tami's turn:

What is a word that your family uses that would not be considered normal?
The first word that comes to mind is "furge". I believe this to be a warped version of the word "forage", which means to "scavenge", "hunt" or "look for". This was a word that my mother's parents used so maybe it's common in the coal mining areas of Ohio. Another word our family uses that is not common is "snorky". We use this word to describe having a stuffy nose or being congested. We also use the word "skeevy" to describe things we don't like or to describe how something we don't like makes us feel. ie. "I looked down and saw a skeevy band aid stuck to my shoe." or "I was so skeeved when I saw the band aid stuck to my shoe." We have a lot of words that have become common in our collective households that sprang forth from the mouths of Tori's children. We will forever have "yaps", which are actually "laps". Someone who makes me mad will either be an "idiot foolish" or a "bongi". Those big white flowers that grow on trees will always be thought of as "magmoliums". Those colorful Saturday morning television programs are permanently labeled "watchcoons". When Andrew was little, or was it Paul...someone was harassing him and he wanted to say, "you make me irritated" and instead it came out, "you make my ear bob!" So when someone in our family is being harangued we will say..."YOU MAKE MY EAR BOB!" And lastly,I just thought of another word that we use for "irritated" in this family. I think it was Hannah who was trying to tattle on a sibling and said, "I'm ir-rat-a-tated!" We vary back and forth with our choice of "irritated" synonyms.


If you could invent something what would it be?
Transportation pneumatic tubes like they use on "The Jetson's". No more gas, no more pollution, no more car sickness...you just get in to your pod and it shoots you directly to where you need to go.

What is something you would like to do but you're afraid of the risk? Invitro fertilization, and have a baby. Due to my age and my cancer history this would not be good for me or a baby. There are no words to describe how badly this sucks.

Discuss what you looked like as a teenager. What did you look like? What did you think of your looks?

As a teenager I was short and very, very thin. I had long-ish, stringy blond hair and braces on my crooked teeth. I had freckles on my nose but other than that my skin was transparent. I had a tiny waist and from behind was all butt. If you looked really hard there were boobs but they didn't really stand out in a crowd. I remember thinking that I was too skinny and too short. And too fair skinned. I never, ever appreciated my size back then and now I would give anything to be that thin again. I never thought I was pretty or attractive. I barely thought I was ok looking. Apparently when self esteem was being passed out I was having a party behind the door. Now that I'm older I'm more comfortable with how I look. I still think I'm simply ok and I'm fine with that.

Tori's turn:

What is a word that your family uses that would not be considered common?
OK, This list will be endless.... Lets start with "foughtfie" ... its a common household item used to kill flying insects. Next..."wee aker." Gardeners use them to trim around trees and curbs. "I-die-yi"... when you get a good one of these a light bulb appears above your head. " idiot foolish", thats someone who doesn't know how to use a foughtfi or a wee aker! " The green place" a place to get instant food. Some red headed ugly kid on TV in the 70's called them borgesschmord.

" Tooth" ...the switchblade version of one of these can get you in some real trouble!

" Motecnretroll" ...men think they are always in control of these. Paul hides our in high places so Jake cant find it. They are used to change the channel of the television.

" Fluffus" Used in a sentence "Our fluffus is the mama to Tami's terrorists"

" Yard Sailing" this word has become common, but I am sure we invented it!
Now my mind has gone blank!


If you could put a tattoo on someone you know, who would it be, where would it be and what would it say?

First off, I really hate tattoos. I don't see the artistic value or beauty..I just never understood why anyone would ever do something so altering to them selves, but then the trend of body piercing and ear lobe holes came into fashion, so now maybe tattoos arent so bad??

Guess I would get a small tattoo on the back of Paul's hand that said " I don't HAVE to talk all the time" This should need no further explanation.


IF you could invent something what would it be?
A pill or shot that prevents all cancers..you get it when you are born, and live happily ever after.

What is something you would like to do but you're afraid of the risk?

Become a doula, or a midwifes assistant. I think that would be the most life affirming job ever! But one thing goes wrong and someones future is changed forever!

Discuss what you looked like as a teenager. What did you look like? What did you think of your looks?

I rarely dressed trendy, trendy was not comfortable. Trendy was also expensive. I would have liked to have been taller, maybe have less in the thigh area, thicker hair would have been nice, but I was pretty happy with my looks.
I think Hannah looks just like me and Hannah is a BABE!

Feast 3 with a twist!

Today's feast has a fun twist! I gave Tori the same 5 subjects to write about and I told her that I wouldn't publish my comments on the subjects until she sent me hers. So, if you are actually getting to read this it is because my sister has decided to join me.

Ready? *Seget? GO!

If you had the money to collect something really valuable, what would it be?
It would be fun to have a fine wine collection. It would be fun to have an original Degas or Monet in my house. A couple of vintage Porsche's..woot! Fun-o-rama! Can you imagine what it would be like to open a vault in your home and see the cabinets dripping with diamonds? Ooo la la... However.. as cool as all of these things are they can all be stolen or ruined or lost. One little house fire and your Monet's and Porsche's are ashes. One little cat burglar, (would that be a "kitten burglar"?), and your wine and diamonds are all gone. So after much thought I do believe that I would collect property. It's pretty hard to lose a piece of property, I don't think even the most experienced cat burglar could steal it, a fire will singe it or a flood will make it wet, but when all is said and done after the dust settles it will still be there. I think I would buy chunks of Oahu until I owned all of the north shore. Then I'll bet those Hawaiians would give me a library card! (Inside joke. When our family went to Hawaii for the summer I applied for a library card and was turned down flat. No discussion. Just no. Go away. My friend Beth was standing in line right behind me. She gave them her application with the very same information on it and they not only gave her a library card, they gave it to her with a smile. Beth looks Hawaiian. I look Swedish. You do the math.)

If you could be on any game show which one would it be?
This will shock and amaze everyone. NOT! I tried and tried to get to be on "Rock N' Roll Jeopardy". I don't think I could be the big winner these days but I'm sure I could still hold my own. I'm sure it would be my luck that the categories would be: "Unknown Facts about Jimi Hendrix", "What Key is this written in", "Do Wop hits of the 50's", "Who wrote this: Kurt Cobain or Eddie Vedder", "Deep House Dance music of the 90's", and lastly "Death Metal Favorites".
There was a time in my not so distant youth that I could tell you more than you'd ever want to know about the stories behind songs, where musicians were from, who played guitar in which band..etc. But these days...I'm lost. I know a few of the popular names and I know where one or two of the bands come from, but the days of knowing the name of every band member and where he buys his groceries is a distant memory. So if Rock N' Roll Jeopardy comes back on television let's hope they can break it down to Rock N' Roll Jeopardy For The Middle Aged Woman. And if I hit the daily double I promise to bet it all and make it a true daily double. And if I lose then I promise to do like the avatars on the computer version of the game and fall into a heap on my podium. When we get to "final Jeopardy" if I don't know the answer I promise to write "ease o moking or ge", because I know it will make my mother and sister laugh.

Name one chore you really don't mind doing.
Well, let's see...I HATE to do dishes. I HATE to clean the bathroom. I HATE to vacuum. I HATE to change the sheets on the bed. I HATE to cook. I HATE to clean the stove. I think that only leaves one thing. I guess I don't' mind flitting around the house with a feather duster. And yes, I flit.

How many times have you moved homes in your life?
My mom did everything she could to provide my sister and I with a stable environment. We had deep roots in our house. My parents bought our familial home in the late 50's and my mom still lives there. (Much to my chagrin, but that is another whole post!) I had friends and relatives who were always moving. Packing and unpacking...it didn't seem like such big deal to me. You always wound up with a new place to live and you always got to start fresh. Fun, right? UH, NO!! I moved out of my parents house when I was 18. As of that first move I have lived on the following streets and in the following cities:
1. Granada, El Monte
2. Doheny Drive, Beverly Hills
3.Ogden, Los Angeles
4.Adrienne, West Covina
5.Vista Montana, Yorba Linda
6.Terrace Lane, Yorba Linda
7.Tori's house, San Gabriel
8.My mother's house, La Puente
9.Elsberry, La Puente
10.Amar Road, West Covina
11.Rowland, Covina
12.Columbia, Hemet
13.Beachwood, Hemet
14.Some other street, Hemet
15.Hayland, La Puente
16.Sunflower, Covina
17.Badillo, Covina
17 1/2 Badillo, Covina (same building, moved down stairs.)
18.Barranca, Covina
19.Sunflower, Covina
20.Mulvane, La Puente
21.My mother's house, La Puente
22.Huntington Street, Huntington Beach

That is 22.5 moves in 28 years. I'd rather have a root canal than move again. Of all the places I've lived my favorite abode was the house on Adrianne. It was a 4 bedroom, 2 bath, living room, family room, nice size kitchen/dining room, back yard with a patio, nice view. That was the only time in my life that I was the noisy neighbor. We threw lots of parties and had many visits by WCPD. Good times. Great house.

How old were you when you had your very first kiss?
I remember that my first kiss was on the 4th of July, 1977 and it was given to me by Doug Bybee. I knew it was coming and since I didn't know "how to kiss" I tried everything to avoid it. Luckily it was just a peck on the lips so I didn't have to humiliate myself once it finally arrived. (Sad, yet semi humorous side note: after you read Tori's answer to this question...I dated Mark Pesl before she did and I never let him kiss me. Was I a bitch? Probably, but that isn't why I didn't kiss him. I didn't know how to kiss so I just never did. Problem solved. Boyfriend lost. Do ya think maybe that's why I never had more than one date with Ruben Provencio?)

End of my Feast. *"Seget" is what my nephew said when he was a baby when he was trying to say, "Ready? Set! Go!"

Now on to Tori's portion of the Feast:(I need to point out that we weren't even in the same zip code when we wrote these...)

If you had the money to collect something really valuable, what would it be?
Tropical summer homes that I could lend out to anyone who asked! I would start with One on each of the Hawaiian Islands, then venture out to Australia and Fiji. Certainly if I had the money it took to collect these homes, airfare would NOT be a problem. My conversations would go something like this... " Really Aunt Ardy, go ahead and stay in Canberra another week, I will just tell Debbie and Dan they can use the Haliewa hut this month!"

If you could be on a game show, which one would you want it to be?
"Deal or No Deal", there's no questions involved, only DEAL? Or NO DEAL? As soon as I was offered any where around $100,000 bucks, I would run like the wind! Aloha, we would all be cruising to Maui! I would allow everyone to go Venti!

Name one chore you don't mind doing. Vacuuming! It gives me instant satisfaction, it doesn't stink, and everyone can see what a nice job you did! Unlike doing the dishes. .. The soap drys out my hands and makes them crack. I hate to wear gloves because I drop things, and they usually break! And the dishes stink, and as soon as you are done, there is 5 more cups and spoons back in the sink, like no one ever did any dishes!

How many times have you moved in your life.
Lets see its all a blurrr.... think the first time I moved out it was when I moved in with Michael J in Pacoima, oops, I mean Panorama City. Then to Bayonne by Shoprite,( Best basement apartment in the history of basements! If only the windows weren't directly next to a brick wall!) Then to Adrienne(?), then back to Bayonne with the Orlandos. (rent free! had my own room big enough to stand up right and touch both walls at the same time!) Then home, moved to Glendale on Chevy Chase when I got married. Moved to different Chevy Chase address when Andrew was born.( two story apartment, with a new baby..what were we thinking?) Next moved to San Gabriel.(rented from an uncle, never rent from a relative...) From there to West Covina on Hollenbeck for 10 years. Then to dream home in Covina (Gated community, two story beauty with a semi spiral staircase... great schools. Close to mama and sister...) To castle in Riverside. Finally to dump in Riverside.That makes 12

How old were you when you had your very first kiss?
My first thought was a few hours old, I am sure my parents kissed me on 3/10/1960... but My guess is you are talking about from a boyfriend...so Lets go with 16 and Tom Abadie.... in Canada all from the teasing and prodding from the big mouth of Darla Davis. So that one didn't count. So I m going to say... 17 from Mark Pesl. Liked him a whole lot more then Tom Abadie and his kissing me was his idea, not Darlas!

Another feast

Describe your personality in terms of a particular vehicle.
Like a wave runner, I'm happiest when I'm in the ocean. I require minimum upkeep. I need a specialized diet. If I'm ignored I will fall apart. If I'm used too aggressively and not taken care of properly I will cease to run. But if I am treated the way I'm supposed to be I am usually a lot of fun.

If you won a shopping spree, from which store would you want it to be?
Wow! This is a hard one. New clothes? New shoes? Perfume for days? Taps finger on chin....I'm going to have to go with Ethan Allen. A couch and chairs that actually matched the side tables and lamp? A bed with an actual head board that matched the dresser? A computer desk that didn't take up the entire room? Colors of my choice? Styles based on what I liked and not what I could afford? I can't imagine how nice it would be to have a house full of furniture where nothing was second hand. I have very few items in my house because pretty much everything I own is still in storage, however...as I write this I can only think of 3 things in my house that are not second hand. My television is new, my floor lamp is new, (and cheap!), and my night stand is new. The night stand is from Target, so you know it's made of only the finest press board. I put it together all by myself and I was so proud of myself you'd've thought I whittled it from a tree branch.

Which television show re-runs do you enjoy watching?
I have watched pretty much every episode of "Friends" and yet if it is on when I'm flipping through the channels I will re-watch any episode I can find. I love Phoebe and Chandler, Monica and Ross, Rachel and Joey. I love Richard and Fun Bobby, Paulo & Joshua, Carole & her lesbian wife. I love Ben and Emma. I love the chick and the duck; Yazmine and Pamela. I love Frank Junior and his much older, home ec. teacher wife. I love the triplets; Leslie, Baby Girl Chandler & Frank Jr. Jr. I love Phoebe's twin sister; Ursula. I love Chandler's transvestite father and romance writer mother. Rachel's bickering socialite mother and sea faring father. I love Rachel's almost husband; Barry the dentist. I even love Gunther & Janice. I love Marcel the monkey and Mrs. Whiskerson, the hairless cat. I love the name on their tv guide subscription; Miss Chanandler Bong.

I love these quotes from the show:
When When Ross was telling Phoebe that he had always loved Rachel and only Rachel, Phoebe explained to Ross that lobsters mate for life and in summation she told him: "You're her lobster!"
When Ross and Rachel were "on a break" Ross slept with a girl from Kinkos. When Ross was explaining to Rachel that it was a mistake Rachel said to Ross; "Where were you trying to put it? In her purse?"

When Rachel needed to move in with Monica all the friends said they'd help. Joey asked Phoebe if she was going to help too and she said, "I wish I could, but I don't want to."
So I'm a tad obsessive.

If you could look into the future, how far down the road would you like to see? 10 years? 100 years?

I would love to be able to look 10 years in to the future so that I could see if Amanda is ever going to have a baby or if Andrew will ever get his act together. And..I'm sorry for that space time continuum that you are always hearing about when you watch movies that take you in to the future. They always say that you can't make any changes to the future...but if there was anything bad that I saw going on in their lives that I could prevent...I would do it in a heart beat. So you'd all better keep me out of your time machines.

Friday's Feast part two

Describe your personality in terms of a particular vehicle.
Like a wave runner, I'm happiest when I'm in the ocean. I require minimum upkeep. I need a specialized diet. If I'm ignored I will fall apart. If I'm used too agressively and not taken care of properly I will cease to run. But if I am treated the way I'm supposed to be I am usually a lot of fun.

If you won a shopping spree, from which store would you want it to be?
Wow! This is a hard one. New clothes? New shoes? Perfume for days? Taps finger on chin....I'm going to have to go with Ethan Allen. A couch and chairs that actually matched the side tables and lamp? A bed with an actual head board that matched the dresser? A computer desk that didn't take up the entire room? Colors of my choice? Styles based on what I liked and not what I could afford? I can't imagine how nice it would be to have a house full of furniture where nothing was second hand. I have very few items in my house because pretty much everything I own is still in storage, however...as I write this I can only think of 3 things in my house that are not second hand. My television is new, my floor lamp is new, (and cheap!), and my night stand is new. The night stand is from Target, so you know it's made of only the finest press board. I put it together all by myself and I was so proud of myself you'd've thought I whittled it from a tree branch.

Which television show re-runs do you enjoy watching?
I have watched pretty much every episode of "Friends" and yet if it is on when I'm flipping through the channels I will re-watch any episode I can find. I love Phoebe and Chandler, Monica and Ross, Rachel and Joey. I love Richard and Fun Bobby, Paulo & Joshua, Carole & her lesbian wife. I love Ben and Emma. I love the chick and the duck; Yazmine and Pamela. I love Frank Junior and his much older, home ec. teacher wife. I love the triplets; Leslie, Baby Girl Chandler & Frank Jr. Jr. I love Phoebe's twin sister; Ursula. I love Chandler's transvestite father and romance writer mother, Rachel's bickering socialite mother and sea faring father. I love Rachel's almost husband Barry the dentist. I even love Gunther & Janice. I love Marcel the monkey and Mrs. Whiskerson, the hairless cat. I love the name on their tv guide subscription; Miss Chanandler Bong.

I love these quotes from the show:
When When Ross was telling Phoebe that he had always loved Rachel and only Rachel, Phoebe explained to Ross that lobsters mate for life and in summation she told him: "You're her lobster!"
When Ross and Rachel were "on a break" Ross slept with a girl from Kinkos. When Ross was explaining to Rachel that it was a mistake Rachel said to Ross, "Where were you trying to put it? In her purse?"

When Rachel needed to move in with Monica all the friends said they'd help. Joey asked Phoebe if she was going to help, too, and she said, "I wish I could, but I don't want to."

So I'm a tad obsessive.

If you could look into the future, how far down the road would you like to see? 10 years? 100 years?

I would love to be able to look 10 years in to the future so that I could see if Amanda is ever going to have a baby or if Andrew will ever get his act together. And..I'm sorry for that space time continuum that you are always hearing about when you watch movies that take you in to the future. They always say that you can't make any changes to the future...but if there was anything bad that I saw going on in their lives that I could prevent...I would do it in a heart beat. So you'd all better keep me out of your time machines.

About how many times per day do you check your email?
My first thought on this question was: "about a million." But in reality I'd say probably about 30 times a day.