Saturday, December 27, 2008

Re: Willow

Just to refresh your memories....

When I got back from my trip to Europe in August, I was greeted by a completely destroyed home and the news that all of my adult cats had been on the lam since the day I left to go on the trip. I found Lorenzo, (Dave), my big deaf boy, the day I got home. It took me a while to round up Ashleigh and Elijah. Up until a couple of days ago I had not seen even a glimpse of Willow.

I've seen him several times in the last couple of days. He won't let me get too close but it is obvious that he has been living a life of kitty cat luxury. He has long fur like Lorenzo and if he had been out in the Huntington Beach tundra I'm sure he would be a mass of dreadlocks by now.

I am currently wondering if he is on the lam from his new home and is trying to come back to my home or has he always been a porch cat and just recently remembered from whence he came?

Is there a cat whisperer out there?


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas Miracle

I have been side lined by the black plague for the last couple of weeks. I have stories to tell and pictures to share when I get back on my feet. Even though I still feel pretty icky I had to fire up this computer and share my Christmas miracle with you.

Up until this morning I had done pretty much no Christmas shopping due to having been stricken with the plague. (The doc actually said that I have a virus and there is nothing they can do but treat the symptoms. She told me to get some cough medicine and go home and go to bed.) Since my family celebrates Christmas on Christmas eve tomorrow is D day. So I got up early, thanks to the Lorenzo T2000 alarm clock I don't get to sleep in even when I'm sick!, and I was going to go to Walmart so that there would be something from me for the kids under the tree....

Then what to my wondering eyes appear? No! Not a jolly ol' elf.......

I couldn't believe it!

He wouldn't let me get too close but I could tell that he was healthy and clean and has been taken care of quite well. He is a big guy just like his dad.

I never doubt the Lord but I sure do like it when he sends me little reminders that he's always looking out for me.

I hope you all have Christmas Miracles of your own.

Merry Christmas!


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Free Memorabilia

Last month the citizens of the United States participated in an historic event when for the very first time we elected an African American man as our President. I happily voted for him and ever since the polls closed I have lived in fear that some idiot is going to assassinate him and show the rest of the world how one simple minded idiot can ruin something that is potentially wonderful. I have watched the controversy regarding his official place of birth and was momentarily sidelined when I thought I had been duped..but then I read a news article that said that there was a birth announcement in a Hawaiian newspaper announcing his Hawaiian birth when he was born. Spin doctors can fake a lot of documents but I don't think they can go back in time and create a birth announcement in 100's of newspapers nor do I think anyone thought that when he was born, (in a foreign country)..."Hey, this newborn might want to run for President of the United States...we'd better create a fake birth announcement here and now so we can fool the American public in to thinking he was born in Hawaii"...

I look forward to being able to witness President Obama helping this country recover from 8 years of being run by George Bush and his band of merry men. I hope he lives up to his promises.


If you go to this website:

you can get a free "Yes We Did" sticker. No matter how you voted it would be fun to have a nice thing like this to put in your baby book or where ever else you keep your artifacts. You can only get one sticker for if you want more than one you can either pay for it or you will have to ask a friend to order another one for you.



Disneyland news....


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Dream Maker

Yesterday I started to write a post about the time when I filmed an episode of "Richard Simmons Dream Maker". I meant to save it and finish it but instead of hitting 'save', I hit the publish button.

So here's the story....

In 1999 a former friend of mine had seen the commercials asking for people who deserve to have their dreams come true. I had undergone 2 cancer surgeries, a year of chemo and radiation and the demise of my marriage to Richard and former friend thought that it was time that something nice happened to me. She contacted the show and told them my tale of woe and they invited us to come out to watch the taping of the very first episode.

I was told that we were simply going to watch a tv show get taped and that I should dress nicely. We were all going to meet at former friends house and drive in to Los Angeles together. I thought something was up when a town car arrived to take us to the city, but former friend always did things in a big way and it really wasn't that unusual for her to do something out of the ordinary like that.

The town car dropped us off in the back of the studio with 100's of other people and we had to sit and wait to go in just like everyone else. As our group was going through the door they asked us if we exercised and I told them that I pretty much never exercised. They asked me if I would be interested in exercising on the show with Richard Simmons and before I could even party, (former friend, Tori and my mom) has disappeared. They had a couple of other people that they had picked for this segment and we were all hustled to a segregated waiting room. We all sat there trying to make small talk and then Richard Simmons came in to say hello and to get us all jazzed up and ready to get our bodies moving. Richard Simmons is every bit as happy, charming, sparkling and short as he appears on television. He gave all of us hugs and said that he'd see us shortly. A couple of minutes later a page took all of us from the waiting room and ushered us down a hall and through about 10 doors and stopped behind a heavy theater curtain. The page told us we had to be very quiet and we stood there and listened as Richard Simmons was talking to the audience about the importance of exercising. Then all of a sudden the page was opening the curtain and shoving me on to the stage. I expected the rest of the group to come out with me but they just stood there waving me out there. I was totally Bambi in headlights. The lights were so bright and I was so confused that I seriously considered bolting in the other direction...then I saw my sister sitting in the audience and she was already in tears.

Richard Simmons and I did a couple of stretches and then he admitted that I wasn't there to exercise. With tears in his eyes he told my cancer/surgery/chemo/divorce story and then told me that it was time something nice happened to me. He put his arm around me and told me to look to my right. A curtain opened up and Jose' Eber ( was sitting there looking as cute as a button in his trade mark hat and pony tail. I have always adored Jose' Eber and I couldn't believe he was sitting right in front of me. I don't really know what Richard Simmons was saying at that time...the only words I heard were "Glam Make Over". When he got done talking he asked me if I had anything to say so I looked at Jose' and I pointed to my sister and I asked him if he could look at her and say..his trademark quip..."Shake your head, darling." (with his french accent he says, "Sake oo head, dahling") He obliged and I just melted.

After that the lights dimmed and the cameras were off. Jose disappeared and I was literally run to another part of the studio. They had a room all set up with every beauty product known to man kind and there was a wardrobe lady who had a rack of clothes for me to pick from. Sadly, former friend told them that I was a size 9 and at the time I was closer to a 6 petite. Most of the clothes on the rack didn't fit. I did find one beautiful black dress that fit even though it was a tad low cut for someone who wasn't able to go without a bra. All of the shoes were size 7 and I wear a 5 but I found a pair that I could buckle tight enough that they wouldn't fall off of my feet when I took a step. They told me that I was going to get to keep anything that I picked to wear...including a new prosthetic breast and figure flattering underwear! The only thing I wasn't able to keep was jewelry.

After I found an outfit to wear I sat down in a beauty parlor chair and a team of beauticians surrounded me and they were all talking to Jose' in French. I had no idea what they were saying but I trusted that they all knew what they were doing so I just sat back and enjoyed the attention. In the following 90 minutes my hair was cut, colored and styled and I had a whole face of movie star make up. (The guy who did my make up looked like Pocahontas. I am not kidding.) I was in complete awe as to how beautiful they made me look. The pictures I posted really don't do any justice because I really don't like to have my picture taken so I freeze up when ever a camera is pointed in my direction. I doubt if there will ever be another moment in my life where I feel so glamorous. It was all I could do not to flit around the dressing room singing, "I feel pret-ty, oh so pret-ty.."

I carefully put my new outfit on and the wardrobe lady draped me in jewelry and rushed me to the spot behind the curtain. Richard Simmons made a speech that I didn't hear one word of and then just like in a beauty pageant the lights went on and the curtain went up and the crowd roared. I took a couple of precarious steps forward. I was afraid to take any more steps than absolutely necessary for fear that I would walk right out of my shoes. As I stood there, Richard was crying and I could see my mom, sister and former friend in the audience crying, too. Richard told the audience that I was going to get to keep everything I was wearing and that I was going to get to go on a Beverly Hills shopping spree and that I would be able to keep up my new look with Jose' Eber. It was an amazing moment in the spot light and then just like that it was all finished.

I was rushed back to the dressing room and my mom and sister came back to greet me. We all posed for pictures with Jose' and here is a word to the wise. If you ever get a chance to take a picture with Jose Eber...DO NOT TRY TO TOUCH HIM. It is an automatic reaction for most people when posing for a picture to put an arm around the person in the picture with them. All of us just about got clothes lined when we did this. He never said anything but he made a huge gesture when he thwarted any bodily contact with each one of us. We wanted to take pictures with Richard Simmons and his people kept promising that he would be up to the dressing rooms shortly...but he never did. The powers that be told me that we had to collect our goods and leave the dressing room so I changed back in to my street clothes. When I came back from changing my clothes I discovered that whom ever cleaned up the dressing room when I was gone had "cleaned up" my new prosthetic breast. We asked everyone we saw if they knew who picked it up but no one would tell us who the culprit was. We also asked about the promised hair upkeep and the shopping spree and oddly no one knew anything about that either. I knew that I was never going to see the new prosthesis again but I figured that the producers would contact me about the other promised gifts.

On the way home I found out that before the filming of the show Richard Simmons was out in the crowd offering money to the person who could come up with the most songs with the word 'dream' in the title. My sister managed to wipe the floor with the competition and used her winnings to take us all out to dinner that night.

It was a fabulously fun day and I just wish I had a video camera strapped to my head because my portion of the episode never aired. We saw several parts of the episode that was filmed that day but my story never made the cut. We tried to contact the producer on many occasions to get an air date and to see what happened to my shopping spree and none of us were ever able to get through to a real person. I even tried to email everyone on that staff and no one ever replied to me. I also called Jose' Eber's Beverly Hills salon and they said that they didn't give discounts to anyone. Ever.

I often wonder about the person who walked away with my new prosthetic boob and my shopping spree.... What IS the well dressed woman with 3 boobs wearing these days?


Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Dream Maker

Does anyone remember the very short lived television show "Richard Simmons Dream Maker"?

Well, I filmed an episode but of course my segment never aired.


Monday, December 08, 2008

Cleaning up

I was just going through my archives tagging my old postings and I came across 3 posts that I never published.

There is no time like the present so please enjoy 3 old posts that are completely not relevent to anything.

Happy holidays...



Thursday, December 04, 2008


Last Wednesday the International Man of Mystery took me and my mom and Tori and Bek out for a pre-Thanksgiving dinner at "Duane's" in the Old Mission Inn in Riverside. We had a fabulous dinner and Bek ordered her very first filet mignon. (I found out later that she didn't think she was going to like having a hunk of meat for dinner and she had planned on bringing it home in a doggy bag to give to her brother....however after she took the first bite she changed her plans and managed to eat the entire thing all by herself.)

It took me 3 hours to get from the city of Orange to the city of Riverside so I really appreciated the bottle of Caymus we had with dinner. I even got my mom to try some and she had to admit that it was pretty tasty. The food was wonderful and the company was engaging but my favorite thing about the evening was beautiful Christmas decorations that were EVERYWHERE.

There was a Christmas Tree that was so tall I couldn't get the entire thing in a single picture.

It was decorated with faeries, birds, sprigs of holly, ribbons and golden pine cones.

The lobby of the Hotel was festooned with poinsettias and twinkle lights

and the fire place mantle was dripping with sparkles.

There were red reindeer in the hallway...

and musical mouses outside on the balcony.

It's such a shame that I don't look like my mom...

You just can't take me anywhere~

If you find yourself in the greater Riverside area for the next 3 weeks or so I would highly suggest that you stop by and take a peek at this historical building. Even when it's not decorated for Christmas it is an amazing piece of art.

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Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Where's my red pen?

You can be the proud owner of one of these tee shirts for the mere price of $15.00 if you hurry up and get yourself to the old pharmacy on Main Street in Huntington Beach, Ca.


Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Greetings from Lorenzo

Hi Ladies, Dave here! I had a fantastic Thanksgiving weekend. The cook at this place finally got some decent food so I was able to fill mah belleh...I know how the wimmens like a big round belly.

Since it was a holiday I decided to get dressed up for my lady, Ashleigh. I put on my best, (only), shirt. I had some problems getting it buttoned because my bulging muscles are just getting so out of control. My valet buttoned all of my buttons but I told her that I looked like Opie from the "Andy Griffith Show".

In addition to the wimmens liking big round bellies I know that they also like to see hairy chests so I convinced the valet to undo some buttons and let me do the "Rico Suave" thang.

"Helloooo ladies...."

I think that Ashleigh has grown tired of my soul patch so I have been working on growing some mutton chops. There isn't a woman out there who doesn't love a guy with a hairy chest and mutton chops.

And since vampires have gotten so popular lately I decided to get myself a widow's peak. That should keep Ashleigh on her toes. There's gonna be wimmens knockin my door down when they get a load of this:

How can anyone resist me? I'm so charming that I can hardly stand myself!

I would like to take this opportunity to give you my Christmas list, shopping days are limited you know.
1. I would like for Elijah to move out or at least to stay under the coffee table for the rest of his life.
2. I would like for Ashleigh to keep her hiney inside the house. When she goes outside it breaks my heart and a I have to sing Hank Williams ditties all night long.
3. I would like a new blanket glued on to my hallway perch. When I take a flying jump to get up on it I usually slide right off the other side and then that woman who lives here calls me "Kramer".
4. I would like a couple of cases of Feline Greenies. All for me. None for anyone else. Unless Ashleigh wants some. She can have one. But only one.
5. I would like my very own bowl of Top Ramin. That woman that lives here will not share hers. She's just selfish.
6. Peace on earth and good will to all cats. (Just kidding about this one, but I do really want the bowl of Top Ramen.)
Ok, well, feel free to post my pictures on CraigsList so that I can make Ashleigh jealous by chatting with hot babes all day long....and if I don't see you in the mean time...