The best way to keep your kitty fresh....

Is to keep her in Tupperware!

Lately I've been concerned with the health of someone else....

Most of my reader(s) know that I have 5 cats. I didn't plan to have 5 cats and I know that 5 cats is an excessive amount of cats. Especially for someone who lives in a single wide mobile home. So all of that aside...here is what has been going on with me and one of my cats for the last week.

On Friday, April 3rd, I came home from a wonderful date with IMOM. We celebrated my birthday which was last month but I was too sick to want to do anything. I got an amazing birthday gift but that's whole 'nother blog post. Anyway....I came floating in to the house on cloud 9 and almost stepped in cat barf. OMG. It was everywhere. My first thought was that Nort, my kitten who had a rough start in life...(read back in my blog under "Nort Report"), but Nort was running around being her little goofball self so it obviously wasn't her doing the puking. I went in to the bathroom and there was poor Elijah. Apparently he had been throwing up for a few hours. I cleaned him up and then cleaned up my carpet and the bathroom floor and then I sat in the bathroom and held him on my lap hoping that would help him to feel better. He didn't throw up again until way early the next morning. He threw up 10 times between the hours of 6:00 AM and 9:00 AM.

Saturday early AM
I found a box and put a bath towel in it and loaded him in to the box. When he didn't fight to get out I knew he was a sick kitty. I put him in the car and he just layed there and cried. Of course by the time I got on to Pacific Coast Highway he decided that he didn't want to be in the box and was trying to climb out. Fortunately there is a vets office about 3 miles from the house so I was able to drive with one hand on the wheel and one hand on Elijah. (No, I don't own a cat carrier. My kitties do not like to ride in the car and thus I do not take them for rides. )

The vet said that it sounded like he probably had a foreign object in his belly and they needed to do some xrays. About an hour later they called me back to look at the xray. That could have been an xray of a lizard and I wouldn't have known any different. The doc said that it looked like Elijah had a "linear foreign object" in his intestine. His plan was to give Elijah barium and then wait a while and xray him. He would do this repeatedly until they could see exactly if the foreign object was actually blocking the intestine or simply interrupting the flow of things. The doc told me to go home and they would call me later with a report. When the doc called he said that the barium xrays indicated that the foreign object was blocking the intestine 99% but that 1% of non blocked area would allow them to try to flush the blockage from the other direction.

On Sunday they were going to give Elijah an enema and hope that between the barium coming from one end and the enema coming from the other end it would pick up the blockage and move it out. After they gave him the enema the vet clinic called and said that the enema had really cleared Elijah's innards and now he was a dirty mess. (I found out later that they had given him 3 enemas.) They asked me if I wanted them to bathe him before I came to pick him up. I knew he wasn't going to like having a bath but he was a pretty dirty little boy just from throwing up and. I couldn't imagine how he must smell after having an enema so I told them to go ahead and bathe him. A couple of minutes later they called and told me that they would have to sedate him in order to bath him. I told them that would be ok. Then they called me again and said that since he was sedated did I want them to go ahead and neuter him. I thought that would be a good idea so I told them to go for it.

After work I picked him up and brought him home. He was not a happy camper. Who could blame him? He'd been poked and prodded from both ends and when he woke up he was missing body parts. I put him in his bed and I got him clean towels in case he wanted to lay on the floor. He wasn't allowed to eat or drink but I don't think he wanted to anyway. I held him for quite a while and then I put him in his bed so he could get some uninterrupted rest.

Tuesday
That morning he was supposed to try to eat and drink and I had meds that I was supposed to put in his food. He was not interested in eating so I just left his food in there with him hoping that he would feel like eating later. By the time I got home from work it was obvious that he hadn't even sniffed his food. He had thrown up a couple of times but I figured that was to be expected after having abdominal surgery. Later that night he started throwing up again but now when he retched he would scream. It was the most awful sound I've ever heard coming from a cat. I hate to say this but it reminded me of the sound my elderly grandmother would make when the grand kids would accidentally step on her toes. He continued to throw up through out the night.


Wednesday
By the time the sun came up I had him in his travel box so I could take him back to the vet which I thought opened at 7:00 AM. WRONG. They open at 8:00. I need to be at work at 8:00 and since I had just taken an entire month off of work I didn't think they would look too kindly at me coming in late. So.. I raced Elijah back home and flew to work. All morning long I fretted over taking Elijah back home when I knew that something was wrong with him so at lunch time I drove home as fast as I could and loaded him up and took him back to the vets office. When I got there the receptionist told me that the doctors were all out to lunch and that I had to wait for them to return before they would take the kitty. I explained that Elijah had just been in their care and was returned home in worse condition than when I originally brought him in. I begged her to let me leave him there and just have a doctor call me when he returned from lunch. To my amazement she agreed so I left him there and went back to work.


Just when I returned from work the doctor called me and told me that they had to do exploratory surgery. Since he had resumed throwing up that indicated that the blockage was still there. I agreed to let them do the surgery and was glad that something was really going to be done to take care of the problem.


About 30 minutes later the vets office called me and told me that Elijah had gone in to cardiac arrest. They wanted to know if I wanted them to do CPR. "YES!", I said. " DO CPR! DO IT NOW!" It took them about 20 minutes but they were able to get him back. They told me that they were not equipped to handle such a critical situation and I needed to come and get him and take him to an emergency hospital.


When I got to the vet they brought me a heavily sedated kitty wearing one of those stupid cone collars. He looked like he had been wrung through the wringer. His eyes were glazed over and his little tongue was actually hanging out of his mouth. His mouth and rear were both green from all the bile he had passed. It turned out that Elijah had swallowed over 6 feet of black thread. It had wrapped around the back of his tongue and then went down his esophagus and through his stomach, small intestine, large intestine and his colon. They had to open him up in 8 different places to take the thread out because it was tangled up all over the place. The doc said when they first found it they tugged on it hoping that it would just come out but when they pulled on it hard enough to dislodge it...both ends of Elijah's body came off the table.



I had to drive about 7 miles to the emergency hospital and apparently that is just enough time for some of the sedation to wear off and cause Elijah to want to attempt to climb out of the box and try to sit on my lap. This made the drive very challenging.

The emergency hospital took him in right away and had him hooked up to fluids and pain meds. I had to stay in the lobby while they took care of him. After about an hour they came out and told me that Elijah was a very sick kitty and was going to require a lot of care. I had to fill out forms and pay in advance. They took xrays and did an MRI and they looked at his incisions. He had a pretty bad infection and they were going to treat it with antibiotics for 24 hours but if the incision drainage didn't improve greatly they were going to have to do another surgery to find out what the heck was going on.

Thursday

Elijah had a pretty rough night. His drainage was still very heavy and he was still throwing up in spite of anti-nausea meds. They put him in the hyperbaric chamber in an attempt to flood his body with oxygen. Oxygen should have caused his infection to start to clear up but it did little good. They called me and asked me to authorize a 3rd surgery.

They opened him up and did a lavage on his abdomen and they discovered a thrombosis (blood clot). They removed the thrombosis and left his incisions opened so that it would drain faster and heal better. The surgeon also installed a pik tube. This is a feeding tube embedded in to the stomach. They wrapped him in gauze and red ace bandage from stem to stern and took him to the recovery room. They let me come in to see him and he was still quite "gacked out" on anesthesia. He was the floor, on top of several blankets with a warming blanket on top of him. There was a tech holding oxygen tubes up to Elijah's nose. I wasn't able to stay in recovery with him for very long. I guess they just wanted me to be able to see that he was still alive and didn't have another post surgical cardiac arrest.

Good Friday

Early in the morning they offered Elijah some baby food meat. He gladly ate it and then spent the rest of the day throwing it up. They gave him anti nausea and pain meds so he had a very quiet day. Later in the evening they tried to feed him again and had the same results so they fed him through his pik tube and resumed his anti nausea meds.


Saturday

Still throwing up. Still on major amounts of drugs. Spent 90 minutes in the hyperbaric chamber. When I came to visit him for the evening visiting hours he was much more alert and even seemed happy to see me.

Sunday

Imagine my utter happiness to walk in to the critical care ward and see my beautiful little boy sitting up!!! He had been laying down for over a week. It also looked as though he had attempted to clean himself up a little bit.

Monday

Well now he's just showing off! They have taken most of his heart monitors off and they have removed some of his IV lines. He was sitting up and his eyes were wide open. When he saw me he chortled in his own cute little way and he purred. He rubbed all over me and talked to me as much as he could. The surgeon saw me and came over and told me that Elijah was finally holding ground and they were going to go back in and clean things up one last time and close all of his surgical openings.

Tuesday (Yesterday)

Elijah looked really good when I went in to see him in the morning before work and then again when I came back after work. He was still unable to eat without throwing up but the doc said that he wasn't throwing up as violently as he had been. They resumed feeding him with the pik line so that he would be in better shape for his last surgery. He continued to talk to me and squirrel around my hands and arms.

Wednesday (This morning)

I went in to see him at 6:45 just like I have done every day that he's been in the hospital and they told me that he had just gotten out of surgery and was in the recovery room and that I would have to wait a couple of minutes before I could go back. After waiting 25 minutes I asked what was taking so long and I was told that I wasn't allowed to go in to the recovery room. I told them I was in the recovery room last time he had surgery...what had changed? They told me that there was already 4 people back in the critical care unit and that was their visitation limit. I was already going to be late for work so I didn't argue with the girl at the desk. I just left the office with flames shooting out of my ears. As I walked outside I wondered if those 4 people that were already in recovery had walked to the hospital because mine was the only car in the parking lot. I was trying not to think the worst, but failing. Luckily as soon as I got to work the surgeon called and told me that everything with Elijah was fine. He repeated the story about already having 4 people in the critical care unit. I didn't tell him that I had been at the hospital every single day since Elijah had been admitted and there hadn't been 4 other visitors in that until COMBINED. I have to convince myself that there must have been some new sick animals admitted during the night and their keepers all stuck around unlike the 40 or 50 other animals that had been through the hospital that week.

I will be heading out to see him as soon as I get off work. We will take all the prayers we can get.

My sweet, sweet Elijah

Skirt or cat toy?

Kitten post

Hi! I'm cute. I know how to drink water out of a bowl and I'm getting really good at making my Uncle Daddy scared when I hop sideways. I peed on Andrew last night. I'm so funny!

Bath Time part deux

The day after I wrote the previous post the 2nd grey kitten crossed the rainbow bridge. At this point I closed and locked the gate that lead to the bridge. I had to take drastic measures to get on top of the flea problem that was plaguing my house and my fur children. I somehow convinced my sister to come all the way out from Riverside to take Ashleigh, Uncle Daddy and the 3 remaining kittens to a groomer. This story is actually very long and eventful but I will shorten it as much as I can. My sister and her kids put the kittens in the stroller and figured that Ashleigh would gladly go where ever her babies went. Not so. Apparently Ashleigh scratched my niece to smithereens and little did we know that she was just getting started. It took a while but they managed to get her and Lorenzo in to the stroller. Then they loaded the stroller in to the back of the truck and were on the road like a herd of turtles. I was at work in a seminar while this was going on. I had sent Tori the address of the groomer and she got a Mapquest map with driving directions. So, as I sit in the very quiet seminar room...my cell phone starts to buzz. I answered it as quietly as I could. It was my niece. She needed my address and drivers license number because she was filling out forms at the vet. The vet? I figured that maybe the groomer shared space with a vet. I whispered the requested info and went back to my seminar. The cell phone buzzed again the instant I put it in my purse. This time it was the groomer. "Hi, This is Noah's Ark Grooming. Aren't you going to bring your kitties in this morning?" I paused for a second and whispered..."My sister is bringing them in...and she just called and said that they were there and they were filling out paper work." The groomer told me that they had two locations and maybe they had gone to the other location by mistake. I told her that I'd call my sister and try to find out exactly where she was. I dialed my sister's number and, of course, no one answered. As soon as I put my phone back in my purse...it was buzzing again. "You're in the wrong place", I whispered in the form of a greeting. "We're in the wrong place", my niece said not hearing what I had said. "Where are you?", I asked. "We're at the vet but we're right around the corner from the groomer." Annnnndddd...we'regood! Right? I put the phone back in to my purse...1 second. 2 second...BBBBUUUZZZZZ. "Hello? This is Noah's Ark Grooming. You re kitties are here, they were at the vet's office down the street. I just didn't want you to worry." Ok, now that everyone was where they belonged the mystery was solved and I could get back to my seminar. BBBBBUUUUUZZZZZZZ. Me,(still whispering)..."hello?" "AUNTIE, HAVE ASHLEIGH OR LORENZO HAD ANY OF THEIR SHOTS?" "no, bek, they've never been to a vet or a groomer. ok?" "OK, AUNTIE. MAN,I HATE ASHLEIGH. SHE HAS SCRATCHED ME SO MUCH..MY ARMS.." I attempted to whisper but I had to raise my voice which caused me to have to get up and walk out of the seminar.."I'm so sorry Ashleigh scratched you. But now that you guys are in the right place I need to let you go so I can pay attention to the seminar." click.

2 minutes later; BBBUUUZZZZZ. "hello?" "AUNTIE, HOW DO YOU SPELL HUNTINGTON?" "ohmygodrebekah...you spell it with an H. just ask your mom.. ok?" "OK, SORRY AUNTIE."

5 minutes later...BBBBUUUZZZZZ. "hello?" "THIS IS NOAH'S ARK PET GROOMING. THE BABIES ARE ALL WASHED AND THEY ARE DOING JUST FINE." "ok. thank you."

5 minutes later...BBBUUUUZZZZ. "hello?" It was my sister. If she asks me how to spell 'Huntington' I'm going to hang up on her.. "Ashleigh won't let the groomer get her wet so we walked her down to the vets office. The vet was examining her and Ashleigh scratched the vet so deep that he's bleeding purple arterial blood. Anyway he said that he can either sedate Ashleigh and then give her a flea dip and you will have to separate her from the babies for the next 24 hours and it will cost you about $125.00, or he can give her an Advantix treatment and you will have to separate her from the babies for the next 24 hours but this will only cost you about $50.00. I think it would be best to give her the Advantix and plus it's cheaper that way, but I wanted to know what you wanted to do..."

They wanted to separate her from her 3 week old babies? She was still furiously and mournfully trying to locate the two babies that died and now someone wanted me to purposely separate her from her remaining 3 babies? URGH! By now I felt so bad for everyone involved that I just wanted to say 'forget it!', however if I had said that then everything they had all gone through so far would be for naught. So I agreed on the Advantix treatment, although now in hindsight I see where it might have been easier on everyone if Ashleigh had been sedated and wasn't able to cry and call out to her babies once they all got home.

When I got home from work that night I was greeting by 3 fluff balls and a gloriously clean and bright white Uncle Daddy.
They were all exhausted from their big day at the beauty parlor.

Then I saw Ashleigh.

It was pretty obvious that she hated me and the horse I rode in on.


She was incarcerated in the big dog kennel and she was not one bit happy. Everyone else was sleeping like kings on the couch and she was stuck in a cage. A dog cage.

I did my best to spend time with her but she was far too busy plotting my death to entertain the likes of me. When ever I would relent and leave her alone she would start crying this deep guttural cry. How sad do you think it was when her babies didn't react because they couldn't hear her? I don't think she knows they have a hearing deficit. Once they all woke up and mom wasn't there they set out to find her. They were able to find her with no trouble but for some reason they didn't even try to get in to the kennel even though they could have easily fit between the bars. They chose to sit on the outside of the cage wailing while Ashleigh sat on the inside of the cage wailing.

My sister had bought powdered kitten milk so I mixed up a batch and tried to feed it to the babies. They made it perfectly clear that that stuff didn't smell or taste anything like their mama and they'd rather starve that let even a drop of it dribble down their tiny little gullets. Lorenzo on the other hand was acting as though I had liquid gold in the dropper and he was doing everything in his power to get near it. He was knocking babies over and pretty much flinging them out of the way. He was possessed! After failing at even getting the babies to lick a little bit of it off of their noses I relented and just let Lorenzo and Ashleigh drink it. Uncle Daddy Pig Dog actually burped when he was finished devouring his share.

By about 10:00 that night the kittens had decided that there were actually hungry enough to eat what was being served. It is amazing how quickly those tiny bellies fill up. Andrew gets the blue ribbon for being the best kitten wrangler in the house. He figured out how to pick them up so they wouldn't wiggle and then make them drink without letting the kitten milk run down their chin. While I was doing my best to do what he was doing Andrew put his kitten down and went running in to the kitchen. He came back with a soaking wet kitten who had apparently decided to take a swim in the water bowl. I am very happy to announce that our very own "Thorpedo" didn't inhale any water and was just fine after it was dried off. (apparently he told his siblings of his adventures at the water park because by the next day all 3 of them were trying their hand at drinking water out of the bowl. Here it is 4 days later and they still have a bit of a problem with knowing just how far stick their head in the bowl.)

The trauma of the baths and the Advantix seperation is behind us. Lorenzo is feisty as ever. Ashleigh has been down right pleasant and the babies have learned how to chase and play and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen. They like to pummel and tumble and swat at each other then in the middle of all the fun they just doze off.

PS I didn't mention that when the fur children were out at the groomers/vet...Andrew stayed home and set off a flea bomb in the house. So we should be flea free for at least a couple of weeks. Then Ashleigh and Lorenzo will be getting an Advantix treatment.

Rainbow Bridge

One day everyone is fat, happy and healthy and the next day a kitten dies. Yesterday I when I came home from work Andrew told me that one of the grey babies had died. The previous night it was obvious that there was something wrong with it. It was very lethargic and didn't want to attempt to eat or cuddle with it's siblings. And then now today the other grey baby is no longer using it's hind legs. Ashleigh is still taking care of all of the babies but for some reason the white babies are all thriving and the grey ones are not. I have done everything I can think of to aid the remaining grey child. I went to Pet Smart and bought kitten milk replacement. The baby had no interest in it at all, however Lorenzo and Ashleigh both went nutty coo coo as soon as they smelled it. Lorenzo chewed on the nipple of the bottle and then Ashleigh tore it clean off. The grey baby is still nursing but Ashleigh has better things to do than sit still and feed her family. The white babies are so much bigger and stronger and they just kick the little one to the curb. I took the white ones away from Ashleigh for a few minutes so the little one could get a bit of a head start and just when things were looking good Ashleigh decided that she needed to get up and roam around the room.

So, if you find yourself with a spare moment please say a prayer that the baby who passed away yesterday has found it's way to Jennifer and Muffin, and also pray that the remaining grey baby will get some strength and fight the good fight until it can utilize it's hind legs.

Kitten relocation Jakey style....

(This was at Tori's house with Anna's kittens, not at my house with Ashleigh's kittens.)

Jakey was playing with the kittens and he was dragging them all over the house. Mother and I kept telling him to put them back with their mama. Of course he would not listen. This went on and on all weekend. One time he had a kitten wrapped up in his shirt and I told him that he needed to put the kitten back with it’s mama so it could stay warm. I didn't watch him and I assumed that he had put it back in Hannah’s room. A little while later I heard a very muted “mew?” I looked at Mother and she looked at me. I heard another “mew?” and it wasn't coming from the room where the kittens were supposed to be.It sounded like it was coming from the bonus room which is totally opposite of where the kittens were supposed to be. I walked toward the bonus room and as I was opening the door I heard “mew?” again. I looked down and discovered that Jake had put the kitten inside Hannah’s pink Ugg boot that was in the living room closet. It was pretty much stuffed in there. Since I pick my battles I decided that I was happy that Jake had put the kitty in the boot face up.

It's the last time for bath time & our day trip to San Jacinto

On Friday a co-worker told me about an amazing product that would get rid of the fleas on my grown up cats as well as my infant kitties. While I was hesitant to use anything, even water on those little juniors I knew I had to do something before the fleas tied them up and carried them off to parts unknown. So I went to Costa Mesa and bought the recommended product. I went home, read the directions and the ingredients then decided that I would use it on Ashleigh and Uncle Daddy first and then I would tackle the kittens. (How cute I was...look at me thinking I was going to wash kittenS. Plural. Many. All. HA!)

I put warm water in the kitchen sink about 2 inches deep. I have a little tiny mobile home sink so this didn't amount to a whole lot of water. According to the directions on the bottle I was supposed to douse the kitty with the shampoo before getting him wet. And I was supposed to make sure that I got it under his belly, in his arm pits and between his ears because that is where fleas like to hide. At first Lorenzo thought that I was simply rubbing his back and belly and then he felt the moisture of the shampoo hit his skin. MAY DAY! MAY DAY! He was off like a shot but I caught him by the tail. (killing two birds with one stone...I got shampoo on his tail while stopping him from running and jumping on my couch.) I attempted to disperse the shampoo that was already on him but he was acting like the shampoo was burning his skin off. I picked him up and carried him to the sink. His little heart was beating a mile a minute and I knew that he thought that I had picked him up to protect him from any further harm. I felt like a total heel when I lowered him in to the sink. The instant his little pink toe hit the water he was scrambling in mid air. He was screaming and flailing and it is very hard to hold on to a soapy cat who is screaming and flailing. He managed to connect with the screen on the kitchen window and he was not going to let go. In fact, he had planned on climbing UP the screen to safety but since I wouldn't let go of his hind end he changed paths and decided that he'd sit on my head. It only took 2 second and I was covered in flea soap. His tail had hit the water in the sink and that was all over me, too. He had one foot firmly encased in my skull and the other in my back. He had a hind foot STUCK IN MY EAR and the other one was kind of swinging across my face. I let him go so I could assess my wounds. Of course he went straight for the couch so I had to grab him before he got there. I knew that I couldn't just let him go all full of soap so I picked him up and tried to put him back in or even near the sink. The same exact scene replayed it self the following 3 attempts at getting the soap off of him. I have long acrylic finger nails and I didn't want to hurt him so I was trying to hang on to him with the front pads of my fingers. Not an easy task regardless of the wet and soapy factor. I saw a couple of dead fleas in the water so at least I knew that the shampoo was working. No matter how I tried to discuss this with him, Lorenzo just did not want to complete this bathing ritual. He did everything short of writing a letter to his congressman in order to get me to stop putting water on him. When he started to cry in a pitiful, mournful wail I had had enough. I couldn't listen to him cry. I took him out of the sink and tried to wrap him in a towel. Apparently the towel was teeming with invisible flames because he acted, once again, as though I was trying to murder him. He was completely dripping wet so there was no way I could just let him go. I chased him around the house and got as much water off of him as I could.



I figured that if I didn't at least try to bathe Ashleigh then what I had just gone through with Lorenzo would all be for naught. So I emptied the sink and started all over. The debacle with Lorenzo was mere child's play compared to the 4 alarm fire created when I tried to put Ashleigh in the water. She didn't like having shampoo rubbed on her either but she just tried to saunter away. When I tried to put her in the water she pretty much ripped me to pieces. Ashleigh hasn't had her nails clipped in months because she will not let me cut them. I cut Lorenzo's when he's sleeping, just like a human baby, but I can't even get near Ashleigh's toes whether she's asleep or not. I tried everything except throwing water at her from across the room and she tried everything except whipping out a gun and shooting me to get me to stop getting her wet. I got as much of the soap off as possible and then prayed that any residual soap wouldn't harm the babies. I didn't get to dry Ashleigh off at all. She ran and hid under the couch. It was a very hot day so I wasn't worried about her being wet as long as she stayed away from the babies and off of the top of the couch.


I was glad that Ashleigh was hiding because I thought that would give me some freedom to wash the babies. I started with new water in the sink that I actually tested with my elbow. I was so afraid of startling or burning or freezing the babies that I took major extra care to make it just perfect. I got one of the white babies and I put the tiniest bit of shampoo on it and it wasn't 1 second later that the baby was meowing it's tiny little head off. I didn't even have the time to get this baby 25% soaped up before Ashleigh came flying out from under the couch and climbed up my back and started her rescue effort. She kept grabbing the baby by it's entire head and tried to pull it out of my hand. Had I let go of the baby I'm sure it would have fallen in to the water so I had no choice but to try to hold on to this soapy kitten and try to unpry Ashleigh's mouth from it before she pulled it's head off. I had to use all of the strength I had in my fingers to pry her mouth off of the kitten. We went through this in rapid succession approximately 10 times. Ashleigh is nothing if not tenacious. I got Ashleigh off of my back long enough to dip the baby's hind quarters in the water. Then BOOM! Ashleigh is right back up on the sink, scratching my arm trying to move my arm closer to her so she can grab the baby. I rinsed the baby as well as I could with an angry mama cat attached to my arm and then I put the baby in a towel and I dried it and rubbed it as well as I could so that it wouldn't catch a chill. I let Ashleigh see that the baby was still all in one piece and she licked it and cuddled with it and purred to it. This brought Lorenzo out of hiding and he, too, had to console the traumatize baby. While this trauma bonding was taking place I decided to take my wet clothes off. That's when I discovered that one of them had cut me so deep that the wound had bled enough to cause my shirt to stick to my back. Good times. 3 semi bathed cats out of 7. A very poor outcome indeed.




I decided to reward Ashleigh and her babies for their valor by cleaning out my closet and putting her baby box in there just like she wanted. She was very, very happy, yet I'm certain I could still hear her cussing at me under her breath.

Saturday morning I left my semi clean kitty family and went to my moms and met up with Tori and the kids. I had a play date scheduled with cousin Billie and her niece Trinity. It took me a couple of hours to get Tori's kids dressed and wrangled in to the car but we made it and we were off like a herd of turtles. The kids were starving so I stopped at Taco Bell and we had lunch on the hoof. Jake even got his very own soda and he was thrilled to death. Then we made a quick stop at Walmart so Rebek could get an outfit that actually covered her up and helped to make her look like the 15 year old school girl she is instead of the 40 year old hooker she was impersonating. What I thought should have been a pop in/pop out stop at the store turned in to an hour long whine fest. "I'm not wearing THAT!". "Everything in this store is so ugly." "That's not EVEN cute." I finally left Rebekah on her own to find something that suited her fancy. Had I stayed with her she would have wound up wrapped up mummy style in a "Transformers" beach towel. I told Hannah that she could pick out an outfit, too, and it really wasn't any easier to find something that passed muster with her either. Everything she put on she had to pull down to her hip bones or it would "choke" her. That being done, everything she put on made her look like Dick Van Dyke in the dancing penguin scene from "Mary Poppins". After she tried on 5 things that she didn't like I was ready to give up on her, too. During this whole time Paul, who had Jake in a shopping cart, was no where to be found. Usually all I have to do is call his name and he shows up but that was not working today. Every time I realized he wasn't near me I had to go off and find him. When I found him I would remind him that he needed to stay where I could see him or at least where he could hear me if I called for him. This couldn't have concerned him any less. I was thisclose to telling both of the girls that they would not be getting new outfits because we were going to get back in the car and go home. Then suddenly they both found clothes that we could all agree on, and Paul managed to stay close enough to me that I didn't have to go spelunking to the depths of Walmart in order to find him. Jake and Paul found a mini Etch-A-Sketch and they swore they would share it while on our trip to the desert.

The entire way to Billie's house I had Paul holding the Etch-A-Sketch directly in front of my face so he could show me his works of art. How many times could I show enthusiasm for his show case of criss crosses or stairs? I did my best but then I had to tell him that I could no longer be the judge in his art fair while I was trying to drive a car. He was not amused.

When we got to Billie's house Trinity was taking a nap. I asked the kids to play quietly so they wouldn't wake her up but apparently I forgot that I had Foghorn Leghorn with me. It wasn't 5 minutes later that Trinity had woken up and she was not a happy camper. We had an early dinner and she didn't want anything to eat. We had bought her an outfit to match the one that Hannah got at Walmart and she wasn't impressed. When we finally told the kids to find their shoes so we could go to see "Ratatouille" that's when she perked up. We all filed in to the Billie's car and the two little ones were very happy to discover that their car seats wouldn't fit in the car if we all wanted to ride together. I told Jake that we'd have to take our own car and he was crest fallen. The theater was less than 1 mile down the street so I relented and let him ride without the car seat. Jake and Trinity thought they were all that and a bag of chips! Trinity taught Jake to play "I pye". You know the game where one person finds something that they can see and says "I pye something....(fill in the descriptive word)". It was very cute and I didn't want to tell either of them that the word was "spy" not "pye", however I needn't have worried because Hannah, who is not one for Tom Foolery of any sorts, told them repeatedly, but it was made apparent that that was a whole other game.

Once we got the kids in to the theater we divided up the popcorn and soda and explained one last time that they had to remain in their seats through out the entire movie and that they were not supposed to talk.

The movie was very entertaining and the kids did pretty well, however our very own junior Siskel and Ebert discussed the movie with reckless abandon. Fortunately the theater was filled with mostly children so no one complained. They wound up sitting through 95% of the movie and I think that is excellent for a 3 and a 4 year old.

On the short ride home we discussed the perils and the adventures of "Ratatootie" and I'm happy to say that the little ones had a very good interpretation of what they had just seen.

Kitty Update

The day after the kittens were born we moved them out from under the kitchen sink because I needed to plug in and use the garbage disposal. (I went for 99% of my life without a garbage disposal and thus it is rare that I ever dump food in the sink, however Andrew has never known life without a garbage disposal and because of this my kitchen sink was quickly filling up with Beef-A-Roni. I am not making this up. Anyone who knows me well knows that I would never allow Beef-A-Roni in my house but in the interest of the possibility of ever getting my house painted I have looked the other way and have allowed Chef Boy Ardee into my home.)

We put the kittens in a box and put them in this huge dog kennel that we were going to use to keep the cats out of the way when we were going to paint my living room 3 months ago. (editors note: living room still not painted.) Here is Lorenzo acting as Uncle Daddy the Sentinel.

All parties seemed happy with this arrangement until the morning that Ashleigh tried to conduct the kitten relocation program. Apparently she needs peace and quiet and lots of darkness to raise her family so we moved the brood in to my living room closet.

This little kitty can almost see Uncle Daddy. I think we will have peepers in the next few days.

And here is the whole happy family. I can always tell when he is in there with them because I can hear him talking to them. It is a very quiet and low mumble, almost a purr. Ashleigh talks to them, too, but her voice is much higher and everything she says to them sounds like it has a question mark in it. Ashleigh is a very good mom cat. She is attentive and loving and keeps the babies very clean.

Have you ever seen a more involved dad cat? He simply adores these babies and his wife/sister. I'm tellin' ya, I'm gonna rename Ashleigh & Lorenzo because I think the names "Magenta" and "Riff Raff" might better suit them. ("Rocky Horror Picture Show" reference.)

An Uncle/Daddy's work is never done.

"...2, 3, 4...."

"...and...5. All present and accounted for. Now I can go for a walk in peace."

Dear Nana,
I don't think Mama is going to take me to Subway anymore. The last two times I went there I squalled my head off. Last night I really whooped it up because I could smell the meat and I wanted some. Mama and Andrew kept telling me to be quiet but I just couldn't help it. "Maaaa-RRROOOOWWWWW" I said, but I still couldn't get anyone to give me some meat. Mama had Andrew take me outside. I thought maybe we could discuss my dilemma man to man but apparently Andrew is far too cool to stand next to a white cat in a pink stroller because he took me outside and left me there all by myself. It was kind of cool because I had some sun beams in my stroller and I could feel the sea breeze but I really wanted to talk about this lack of meat problem I was going through. I called for Andrew but he just ignored me. By the time Mama got out of the store I had given up. I wasn't gonna talk to anyone. My lips were sealed. Andrew offered me a piece of turkey and I was gonna show him who was boss. I wasn't going to eat it. I made a big show out of it and even walked away from it for a second. But then I came to my senses and decided that I didn't want to eat it but I did want to lick it. Andrew only held it for me for a few seconds and then he threw in inside the stroller so then I had to eat it. I'm a neatnick you know. Couldn't have a piece of turkey just laying around in my stroller. A place for everything and everything in it's place I tell ya. On our walk back home I didn't feel very good so I had to complain a little bit. Mama thought I had to go potty so she hurried as best she could. When we got home I forgot that I had to go potty until Mama was all snuggled up on the couch. So I had to RUN to the potty and then I had to dig, dig, dig. There. All better. I got up on the couch so I could watch "Who's Line is it Anyway" with Mama and Andrew but then Mama started yelling, "Lorenzo, URGH! You have poop and sand all over your nads!" And then she grabbed me and took me in to the kitchen and you wouldn't believe what she tried to do! I wiggled and squirmed and tried to scratch her. Andrew came in and tried to hold me down, but I'm pretty squirrely when someone is doing THAT to me. Andrew finally let me go and then Mama came at me with a comb. She wanted to comb my nether regions. I. DON'T. THINK. SO. I tried to run but they caught me. Just for the record I do not like to have my "nads" combed. Mom told me that in the next few weeks I'm going to wish I had nads to be combed. What is she talking about? Are they going somewhere that I don't know about? Well, anyway, after the comb attack I was much cleaner and I layed on the couch for a while and then I snuggled in with the fam in the closet. Mama wouldn't leave us alone and kept flashing a light at us. I whispered to Ashleigh to grab a baby and make a run for it while I distracted them. It's so much more quiet in that back bedroom closet. Andrew caught Ashleigh with the baby and he made them both go back in to the front room closet. I hope we got our point across....if she would just leave us alone we might stay where she want us to stay.

This morning when I woke up I found that Andrew had closed Mama's bedroom door and I couldn't get in there to wake her up. If I'm not in there to roust her out of bed at 5:00 then she will never get up and I will never get fed. I cried at her door and I stuck my paws under the door, I scratched at the door and nothing worked. I walked away. Rejected. I finally pulled my "sure thing" out of my arsenal of trick. Cough-cough....HORK! I threw up right outside of Mama's door and wouldn't you know it...she was up and out of that room in 2 seconds flat. I am such a smart boy!

The Kitten Relocation Program Commences

When I woke up this morning I heard Ashleigh rummaging through my closet. This is not unusual as she used to do this all the time. Her goal was usually to climb up my garment bag, that houses my fancy dresses, and then spelunk up to the top shelf. Then she likes to see how many things she can knock off of the shelf. She hasn't done this in a while. At first I tried keeping my closet door closed but since it's a slider she has no problem opening it. Then I resorted to keeping my bedroom door closed only letting them in the bedroom at night so they can sleep with me. As Ashleigh grew more and more pregnant she stopped hanging out in the closet. So, this morning I shoo'd her out and went ahead and got in to the shower. When I got out Lorenzo was trying to tell me something and the last time I ignored him he and Ashleigh went awol through an open window. I discovered that he was trying to tattle on Ashleigh and the Kitten Relocation Program she was instituting. I caught her as she was trying to move one of the kittens to better digs. I walked out of the bathroom just in time to see that she had moved the kitten from the dining room and had dropped it in the middle of the hallway. Then she went back toward the dining room toward her box. I don’t know if she was going to put all of them on the floor in the hall and then go on to start phase two and put them in the closet or if she was trying to feign ignorance and wanted me to think that she had no idea how that one kitten wound up in the middle of the hallway. So I put Jr. back in the box, told Ashleigh that this was where we were raising kittens, then resumed getting ready for work. Moments later I could hear a kitten squalling again. I was in my room, ironing, with the door open. Then I heard Andrew say, “Ashleigh!”, so I ran over and closed my bedroom door. I have to give him credit for waking up in the 6:00 hour when he heard the baby crying. I asked Andrew to put her box in the living room closet and just leave the door slightly ajar. I hope this meets with her obviously high standards for housing. I was going to take a picture of the turn of events but figured my main priority was to get the baby back into the box before it got too cold.

Calling Dr. Lorenzo, OB/Midwife, to the kitchen cupboard STAT!

Last night after dinner when I settled in for the night Ashleigh came and layed down on my chest. This is very unusual. Ashleigh is the lone wolf. She never wants to sit on me or with me. She doesn't even really like to be petted and here she was laying, splayed out across my chest. I rubbed her pregnant belly and was taken aback by how hard it felt. Ashleigh rolled on to her back and let her head fall, encouraging me to rub some more. I watched as the kittens tumbled around inside her crowded womb and then they stopped moving. Then Ashleigh's belly tightened and her hind legs kicked. She was having a contraction. Wow. Was she going to attempt to give birth to her babies whilst laying across my chest? Not my idea of the perfect delivery location...but I didn't want to move this poor creature at such a tenuous time. The contraction only lasted for a second and Ashleigh got up, walked around in a circle and put her self right back down on my chest. About 15 minutes later she had another contraction. She let out a tiny little "mew" and then she dozed off. After her snooze she got up and wandered around. I had opened the living room closet door thinking that that would lend her some privacy if that's what she wanted. It took her a while but she did go in there and Lorenzo was right behind her. I decided to just let them hang out in the closet. If Ashleigh didn't want Lorenzo in there I'm sure she'd have no problem letting him know to get the heck out. After a few minutes of quiet I heard some rumblings in the closet. I figured they were probably fighting and I was going to have to physically take Lorenzo away from the fascinating goings on. When I opened the closet door I saw Ashleigh hunkered down in the corner and Lorenzo right next to her. They were both playing with the cord to a space heater that was on a shelf above them. I rolled up the cord so that they wouldn't pull the heater down on their heads and then I figured that Ashleigh's contractions must have just been braxton hicks and that she was feeling much better now. Most women in the throes of labor don't take time out to play with dangling toys.

Ashleigh came out of the closet and just wandered around. She stopped to let Andrew pet her and that is when I knew for certain that something was up. Ashleigh hates Andrew with a raging passion. All he has to do is look at her and she hisses at him, and tried to claw his eyes out, so for her to actually allow him to touch her really let me know that something was up. For the next couple of hours Ashleigh walked around, ran around, layed around....so I figured that it was all a false alarm and allowed myself to doze off on the couch.

I woke up because I heard Andrew talking. He was down on the floor in the kitchen trying to get Lorenzo out of the cupboard underneath the sink. I asked him what was going on and he told me that Ashleigh had had 1 kitten and Lorenzo wouldn't leave it alone. I've heard too many horror stories about male cats and kittens so I had Andrew wrastle with Lorenzo and get him out of the delivery room. We layed some towels down for Ashleigh and took all of the toxic items out of the cupboard then let her continue the birthing of her babies.

We could not keep Lorenzo out of the delivery room so I decided to let him in and just stay right there with them so I could make sure he wasn't being a nuisance or attempting to harm the babies. The minute I let him back in there he went right over and started to lick Ashleigh's head. She licked him back and then they both licked the brand new baby. Lorenzo got a little more voracious and I thought he was losing his mind but on closer inspection I discovered that he was biting on the umbilical cord. Lorenzo was being the midwife! As each kitten was being born, Lorenzo would continue to lick Ashleigh's head then help stimulate the kitten and get them out of their birthing sac.

I didn't want to intrude on them during such a difficult time but you know me...I had to document this with my camera so here we go:




Yes, Lorenzo is tangled up in the garbage disposal cord. After I took the pictures I unplugged it and wrapped it around a pipe so there is no chance of anyone getting choked.


In the end there were 5 babies. We will now refer to Lorenzo as "Uncle Daddy".