Skinny Bones Jones

When I was a senior in high school the dark blue jeans were my very favorite pants. They are size 0 Chemin De Fer jeans. They are sitting on top of my current size 8 jeans. Back in 1978 size 0 clothes were hard to come by so when my mom found these I thought she had struck gold.


I'm the 3rd one from the left. Yeah, with the goofy hair, standing on my toes.

I weighed 89 lbs and had 0% body fat. I also had very low blood pressure. I thought those were both very healthy situations until my doctor told me that if a paramedic were to take my blood pressure and see how low it was...the paramedic would pull the sheet over my head.

I have been thin all of my life. I only weighed 4 lbs when I was born. They didn't make preemie baby clothes back then so my dad went out and purchased doll clothes for my twin sister and I to wear home. The little shoes were made out of satin and had cardboard soles. You'd have to know how much my dad hated to shop in order to know how special that story is.

When I was in grade school my mom made a lot of our clothes. She made my dad's "Ace Hardware" vest, she made dresses and pants. She even made us bathing suits one year. This was all well and good until the sewing revolution that rocked the world in the late 60's came to our house. It was called "Stretch & Sew" and this method of sewing enabled sewers of all abilities to sew any garment they wanted...as long as it was made out of double knit polyester. Even as a 9 year old I had to draw the line. I hated polyester with a venomous hatred that I still harbor to this day. I made the mistake of telling my mother that I didn't want her to make my clothes anymore. She took this request very seriously and wouldn't make me something even if I asked. I had to go back to wearing clothes that didn't fit. If I could find a pair of pants that fit in the waist then they were a foot too long. If I found pants that were the right length...Tori and I could fit in to them at the same time. I tried to renege and asked my mom to resume making my clothes but just not out of polyester. Nope. That door was closed.

As I got older and more fashion conscious it became harder and harder to find clothes that fit. When I was a teenager I simply did not want to be buying my clothes in the Winnie The Pooh section and I was not tall or heavy enough to shop in the Juniors section. It was a happy day in the Wyatt house when draw string pants came on the scene. My mom relented and made all of us draw string pants. Tori and I had them in every color and style. She made us draw string shorts and I even had draw string "dress pants". Black satin. With pockets. Good times.

It was in the late 70's when I first heard the word "anorexic". Back then people just thought "anorexic" was a situation where you refused to eat and you lost weight. They didn't know it was a mental disorder and that people died from it. People thought nothing of asking me, "Are you anorexic?" "Why are you so skinny?" "Let me lift you up and see how light you are!" I remember asking my mom why people thought it was ok to say these things when no one would ever dream of walking up to an over weight person and saying, "Are you morbidly obese?" "Why are you so fat?"

This was a double edged sword. I could eat and eat until the cows came home but still not gain a pound. Carbs, candy and starch were my best friends. I was fool hearty enough to think that I was going to be thin for my entire life. I hated my body. I was short. I was skinny. I was bony. Clothes didn't fit.

And then I turned 30. It seemed like the minute I turned 30 everything I put in my mouth caused me to gain weight. I went straight from being too thin to being too fat. My skinny minnie ankles were suddenly replaced with cankles. Is there no justice in this world? I went to bed last night and all was well but when I woke up this morning I was walking around on my grandmothers legs! "Waiter? I'd like to return this...this isn't what I ordered. I wanted the long legs, not the log legs."

At my heaviest I weighed closed to 150 lbs. Nothing fit me. If I found pants that fit in the waist they were a foot too long. If I found pants that fit in the length then the waist was enormous. Does that sound familiar? When I was thin I had no perspective. I have perspective all over the place these days and I have to say that I'm glad I've found a happy medium. I'm a teeny bit heavier than I want to be but I'm not even near 150 lbs. nor am I teetering on 89 lbs. I'm ok in my body. My weight is fine.
And that's the way I like it, uh huh, uh huh.

Now if I could just get my eyebrows to be on the same level...