The Jason Show Interview

For the last year I have been reading a blog by a wonderful man named Jason. http://www.jason-thejasonshow.blogspot.com/ He is smart and funny and good looking and one of these days I hope to get to meet him. He's one of the few bloggers I follow who actually lives in southern California. A couple of days ago he created this very fun project:

Jason Interviews the Blogosphere
Welcome to Jason Interviews the Blogosphere, where Jason interviews you with questions that other bloggers like you wrote! Each blogger who has volunteered to be interviewed has been matched up with questions written by other Jason Show readers.

Here is my Jason Interview:

1. What is your ultimate fantasy?

I come home from work and discover that my house key won’t unlock my front door. As I stand there thinking…”WTF”… a town car pulls up and the driver gets out and tells me that this home is not up to my standards and that my new home is now down the street. I get in the town car and we drive down Pacific Coast Highway. The driver pulls in to one of the 3 story homes that has direct ocean views out of every window. “This is your new home”, he says. “I can’t afford this, I can’t live here…” I say. The driver then tells me “This house is bought and paid for. It’s a new program send down from Heaven. Everyone who has survived the ravages of a life threatening disease gets to live the rest of their long, healthy life in the lap of luxury. This is your home.” I walk inside and all of my kitties are all ready there. They are all sweet tempered and delighted to see me. Ashleigh doesn’t dart for the opened door and Nort doesn’t wobble when she walks. They have all been trained to use the toilet and their favorite thing in the world is to have their nails clipped. The house is fully furnished with furniture that deflects cat fur.

As I walk through the house in awe I am delighted to see my reflection in the mirror. I am now much taller and I have legs for days! “OMG! Look at my legs!” I scream. My next thought is to look at my chest. “TWO BOOBS!! I have TWO boobs and they’re magnificent!” I’m so happy I start to twirl. As I spin I’m shocked to see my former husband, (Husband #2). “What are you doing in my fantasy house!!!???” I ask him. “As penance for throwing you under the bus in 2005, uhm, my job for the rest of my life is to clean your toilets, but I’m not allowed to talk to you.”, he says as he quickly disappeared.

I walk further down the hall and see a door with a sign that says “Music Room”. I open the door to peek inside and I see Jackson Browne sitting on a stool plucking at a guitar.” “Oh, hi.” he says. “I’m just working on the phrasing of a new song that Todd and I wrote about you. When he gets back, we’ll sing it for you, ok?” “Todd?” I say. “Yeah”, says Jackson. “Todd Rundgren. We live here with you and we will sing and play for you when ever you want. We will also have our friends come over and sing for you, too. You are our new best friend and we will teach you how to sing with us. Steven Tyler will be here in a while so you’d better rest up!”

My bedroom is upstairs. It has a picture window with a panoramic view of the ocean. There is a big beautiful bed full of pillows and comforters. There is a fire place off to the side. I open the door to a walk in closet full of clothes that all sort, wash, dry, iron and put their selves away. And the shoes! Oh the shoes! Glorious designer shoes, comfy fluffy slippers, fun tennis shoes and stilettos of every color known to the rainbow…and none of them make my feet hurt! There are purses to match every shoe and sunglasses to match every purse. Towards the back of the closet I see that all of the pants have elastic panels across the front and the shirts are all blousy. Maternity clothes, I wonder?

“Dinner is ready”, I hear from the kitchen. I walk toward the kitchen and I meet my new chef who will forever more do all of the food shopping, cooking and washing of dishes. I ask my chef if she knows why there are maternity clothes in the closet. She smiles as she tells me that my infertility problems are no longer an issue and that even though I’m 48 years old I have been granted the ability and energy and health to finally give birth to my very own child.

My head is spinning at this point so I go in to the dining room and sit at the lavishly set table so that I can eat dinner. I hear the door bell off in the distance and then I hear the door open and close. I hear the cook say something about “the man of her dreams”…and then he walks in to the dining room, bends down to give me a kiss and says, “Honey…I’m home.” I’m stunned as I say, “Welcome home, my Keanu. Welcome home.”

2. What is your ultimate nightmare?
Having an earthquake while I'm sitting in the doctors office being told that the cancer has come back, having an anxiety attack, with snakes everywhere and then finding out that it is true that no one reads my blog.

3. Which do you prefer, spiders or snakes?
I would rather be in a vat of spiders than to be in the same general vicinity of even a tiny little baby snake.

4. Where is your favorite travel destination?
I love Haliewa, Hawaii more than any person should love a destination. It is the most peaceful, tranquil, beautiful place I have ever been. I want to marry Haliewa.

5. Who is the most famous person you know personally?
Years ago I spent a summer in Hawaii with my sister’s family when her husband was shooting the television show, “Baywatch Hawaii”. Anson Williams, “Potsie” of “Happy Days” fame was the director. We were at the set every day and we all got to know Anson pretty well. I feel fairly confident that he would know who I was if we ran in to each other, but we do not keep in touch.

6. BONUS QUESTION: Would you rather only be able to eat super spicy foods or super bitter?
What kind of honorary Mexican would I be if I couldn’t eat super spicy foods? I live on spicy Mexican food.