From Ashleigh

Dear Nana,
I am writing to you today to tattle on Mama. She. Is. Mean. Ever since she got us the pink stroller she has been taking us outside for a walk. I really like it outside. Yesterday when she got home from work, (whatever THAT is..she's always talking about it like it's something important.), she opened the door and she fell in to my booby trap! I knocked the box that our stroller came in on to the floor length wise between the coffee table and the door so she could only open the door just a little bit. While she was trying to figure out why the door wasn't opening I darted out the door! Whaaa Hoo! I kicked up my heels and ran! Mama was right behind me but it sucks to be her because I went right underneath the car that is parked across the street. I ran toward the front end of the car and Mama would go that direction, too. As soon as she was near me I would laugh in her face and run in the opposite direction. I would get really close to the edge of the car and Mama would try to grab me or my tail...but I am just like Quick Carl...Idoeverythingfast! (remember Quick Carl from the candy bar commercials in the 70's? Me neither, but Mama is always talking about him, too.) Anyway...we played this game for about 10 minutes and then I just ran back home. Mama was iratatated but she was so happy that I went back home that she didn't scold me or anything. Then this morning I was up bright and early. Lorenzo and I like to sit on Mama's alarm clock and push the button that turns the music off. It helps Mama to sleep longer, but is she happy about this? No. She gets all mad and runs around like a maniac telling us that she's going to be late. We don't understand the fuss. We try to make Mama laugh by sitting with our butt on the radio and our front feet on the night stand, but she still gets all cranky when we try to let her get more sleep. Lorenzo and I help Mama pick out and iron her clothes every morning. I always try to suggest a nice outfit by leaping from the bed on to her clothes that are hanging in the closet but she never goes with what I've picked. Most mornings I try to get her to wear the expensive gown that she bought to wear in London but she just won't do it. While I was doing this Lorenzo was doing his part by warming up the ironing board. He likes to streeeetch out as long as he can in an effort to fuzz up as much of the ironing board as possible. When we were done picking an outfit Mama made Renzo get off of the ironing board and then she started teasing me with the big noisy lint brush that she uses on the ironing board and the couch. I always have to sneak up on Mama and quick as I can...swat and swat at it 8 or 10 times in a row...I usually make contact with it and then Mama has to put it down. Sometimes I miss and I scratch Mama but that is just a risk she has to take. She knows that is what happens when she uses the big brush...so she must want me to do it or she would stop. Right?

Mama ironed her clothes and Lorenzo made sure they stayed on the ironing board by laying on them. He loves the feeling of freshly ironed clothes in the morning. After she got dressed Mama went in to the room with all the water and she brushed her hair. Lorenzo usually helps with this but he was too busy taking care of the clothes on the ironing board. Mama brushed her teeth and it was amazing....she could do this all by herself without assistance from Lorenzo. My Mama is growing up...sigh.

After Mama got dressed, Lorenzo went screaming in to the living room. He thinks if he asks enough Mama will give him canned food in the morning. This has never worked for him but he tries it every day. As Mama gathered up her stuff and went towards the front door Lorenzo yowled real loud and distracted Mama just for a second and...IRANRIGHTOUTTHEDOOR!!!! Whaaa hooo! I've always tried to run out when Mama was leaving in the morning but I've never been able to do it. This morning Mama had a kinds of stuff in her hands and good ol' 'Renzo was on my side and I MADE IT OUTSIDE. Mama came running after me and left all of her stuff in the middle of the street. She called my name a couple of times but it's hard to hear when you hear the sound of the wild calling your name. I ran underneath my favorite car across the street and just as Mama was approaching I RAN SO FAST back to our front door. Mama followed me up the steps and opened the door and I turned around and took off just like a pony and Lorenzo was outside trying to run with me. He just doesn't have game because Mama was able to pick him up and throw him back in the house while I was rollin', rollin, rollin. I changed my stride and started hopping like a frog when I hit some wet grass that I wasn't expecting. After a couple of leaps I couldn't get any wetter so there was no sense in continuing to hop so I just ran and ran. The whole time Mama was behind me running, too. I was saying, "Whaaaa Hoooo!", and Mama was saying, "ASHLEIGH!!! Get back here! I don't have time for this. ASHLEIGH!!" I was living large almost an entire block away from home and then I heard a loud noise that scared me so I turned around and ran straight back home. Mama came right up behind me and grabbed me by the back of my neck, (That is not how you hold a princess I might add), and then she shook me and said "NO!" real loud and then she spanked my bottom and threw me in to the house. The minute she opened the door to throw me in, Lorenzo hopped right outside. I tried to tell him to make a run for it but he can't hear me so he just rolled in the dirt and got all dirty. Mama picked him up and he squirmed all over her. How else was he going to get all the dirty dirt of of his lovely white coat? Well, he got a smack on the bottom, too. Mama went in to her room and changed her clothes and didn't even let us help select her new outfit.

You need to tell Mama that us little innocent kitties do not deserved to be spanked. It's not like we pooped on her shoe or something. Jeez. She shook me AND spanked me. It was brutal.

Ok, I have to go. I have a hole in the screen that I've been working on. It ain't gonna get big enough to climb out of by itself, ya know.

Love,
Baby Ashey
Of Innocence