Conversation I had with Elijah this morning

There was really no formal introduction of Elijah to my faithful blog reader. When Ashleigh had kittens last June I was able to find homes for all of them except for the runt of the litter. He was the one who was so sick that he was in the kitty hospital when I came home from Europe. I couldn't bear to part with him because I just knew that no one would love him and take care of him like I could. So...now that you know who Elijah is ...here is a conversation I had with him this morning...(This entry might be a little crass, HI MOTHER, but I can only write what I hear...and this is what he said to me..)


Elijah: Grand-mama'?


Me: Yes, dear?


Elijah: You've been gone an awful lot this last week or so.


Me: Yes, baby, I have. I apologize and I will try to make it up to you. But, lest anyone get the wrong idea....Andrew was here to feed you and keep you company wasn't he?


Elijah: Well, he was here some of the time and yes we did have food. Did I show you how Daddy taught me that I don't have to eat my crunchy food out of the bowl because he tore a nice big hole in the bottom of the bag? We can just stick our paw in the hole and pull out gobs and gobs of food and eat what we want and then leave the rest on the floor for later.


Me: Yes, I see where your Daddy has been quite the teacher. He's a very clever guy. Why can't you just eat the food out of the bowl?


Elijah: That's not fun.

Me: Well, I'm glad you found something to do to keep yourself amused while I was away.

Elijah: But I hate it when you aren't here. Mom is too busy with the new babies so I didn't have anyone to talk to except for Dave.


Me: Oh, Dave was here? I'm sorry I missed him. What did he have to say?


Elijah: Well, he was a little pissed off that you weren't home. He wanted to talk to you.

Me: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Elijah: "He was pissed off." What do you think I said?


Me: Elijah, please don't talk that way. It's very unbecoming to a beautiful little boy like you.


Elijah: Well, I think Dave is cool. He taught me a lot of new words and other cool things. Listen to this "fu...."


Me: AACK! NEVERMIND. Please, please....don't talk that way in front of me. I don't want people to think poorly of you and that is one sure fire way to make everyone think that you are a nasty little boy. There are always better words you can use instead of naughty words.


Elijah: Grandmama...you don't understand. You were gone all week and week end. Andrew was here and he fed us but the litter box is such a mess that your entire house should be condemned. I can't stand to walk near it let alone go potty in it. Dave talked to me and taught me better ways to deal with those kinds of problems.


Me: I know Sweetheart, but I cleaned out your box Saturday before I left and I used all of the kitty litter. I will get more litter on the way home and I will make your box spic and span for you and Mom and Dad. I'm sorry Andrew can't be bothered to take care of the litter box, but I will fix it as soon as I come home tonight.


Elijah: Well, all of this talk of "piss" has me thinking....I gotta go.


Me: PLEASE don't talk that way... I will talk to you when I get home tonigh....ELIJAH!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOPPPPPPP! DON'T PEE ON MY BED! OH MY GOD, ELIJAH, STOP! AT LEAST GET OFF OF MY DOWN COMFORTER!


Elijah: Uh, a little privacy please.

Me: ELIJAH!!!!

Elijah: I'll be a good boy and cover it up now that I'm done.

Me: STOP! YOU ARE FLINGING PEE ALL OVER MY BED!!! OH MAN, NOT MY PILLOW! STOOOOOP.

Elijah: I feel much better, now what were you saying?

Me: I can't believe you just did that...

Elijah: Well, Grandmama', you know what Dave says....

Me: I. Don't. Care. What. Dave. Says. Look at this mess...it's everywhere. You even got it on the curtains....

Elijah: Then I'm not going to tell you what Dave says.

Me: WhatdoesDavesay!?

Elijah: "It's better to be pissed off than to be pissed on."