Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Lorenzo Navarro

Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! MOOOOOMMMMMMMMMYYYY!!!!!!!

What's wrong Lorenzo?

Mommy, take my picture.

Lorenzo, I need to leave for work. It's almost 7:00 AM.

PULEEEZEEEEE take my picture.

Why all the urgency?

First of all, please stop calling me Lorenzo. My name is Dave.

Dave?

Yes. Dave.

Ok, Dave, why do you need your picture taken right here and now?

Because I want everyone to see how handsome I am now that I've morphed in to Dave Navarro.

Dave Navarro? Of "Janes Addiction" and "Red Hot Chili Peppers" fame?

Yes, that would be the Dave Navarro of which I speak.

Forgive me for asking, but apparently I am missing something here...what makes you think you are now a famous, red hot hispanic rock and roll guitarist?

I can't believe I have to explain this to you. Just take my picture so I can be on my way to meet my wife for breakfast. Do we own a black sharpie marker?


Lorenzo, um, Dave...I don't get it....

Ptffftt! It. Is. So. Obvious. Have you ever seen Dave Navarro. I mean, it's like looking in a mirror.

















Oh, are you having breakfast with Ashleigh? Why do you need a sharpie?

Ashleigh? Uh, I think not. I said "my wife". I was referring to uber hot babe; Carmen Electra. I need the sharpie so I can use it for eyeliner.

I don't think Dave Navarro uses a "sharpie" for eyeliner, but if you're a good boy I might let you use some of mine but since you don't have a lot of dexterity because of your lack of thumbs...you might need to call the Avon lady to help you. Oh, and news flash, Dave. You are Carmen are no longer married. You divorced shortly after your reality show went off the air.

THE HELL YOU SAY! Don't be hatin' on me and my babe.

Sorry, Bud. I speak the truth.

Well, then...I'll just go get another tattoo instead. Perhaps a broken heart with Carmen's name in it.

I'm not giving you money to go out and get a tattoo. I don't like tattoos.


Well, then, I won't ask you to look at mine. Just give me some money and I'll be on my way.


Did you know, DAVE, that before you get a tattoo they have to shave your hair off?

(Lorenzo looks at me sideways...)You're just making that up.

Nope. Again. I speak the truth.

You are such a buzz kill. I need a cocktail.

You are never going to believe this but Dave Navarro has quit drinking.

What fun is it to morph in to Dave Navarro if I can't drink, I'm no longer married to Carmen Electra, I can't get a tattoo and you won't let me draw on my eyelids with a sharpie?

I guess you could start playing your guitar.

I don't have a guitar. Or thumbs.

Aww, there, there, Dave.

Hey, I know...can you take me to the TV studio so I can be a judge on "Rock Star Super Nova"? I miss my homie, Tommy Lee. We need to compare tats.

Lorenz...Dave...that show went off the air over a year ago and you don't have any tats.

Well, I could fake the tats if you'd give me the sharpie. Aw, man! What IS Dave Navarro doing these days? I gotta do sumtin to represent!

I believe that he is currently directing adult videos.

(Lorenzo's eyes widen)...COOL! Do I get to sit in the big tall directors chair and wear a beret and a monacle?

YOU'RE not going to direct adult movies.

Man! You won't let me do anything fun. I've had it with you. I'm leaving.

Where do you think you're going?

(topeeinyourlaundry.) No where. Good. Bye.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous Tori said...

Nice soul patch Loren, huh, Dave...Bye the way, your wife Carmen, was sassy to your mama and me when we met her in Hawaii...Im glad we never had to do Christmas with her!
Auntie Tori

5:51 PM  
Blogger Tami W. said...

Dear Auntie,
I'm glad you like my soul patch, I think I look really cool. Mommy said to tell you that the sassy lady in Hawaii was Daisy Fuentes, not my lovely wife, Carmen Electra. Don't be hatin my women!

8:27 AM  
Blogger Hazel Peepers said...

MEANIE! why couldent you have just givein him a marker?
you could have had so much fun giving him a bath!
yes i need you to email those pictures. and pics of my new outfit!

5:17 PM  
Anonymous Mother said...

I do believe you and the whole fur family have lost your minds!

10:07 AM  

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